worship

After many months (years, really), I took a leap of faith this fall and started attending Sunday morning worship at Hennepin Avenue United Methodist Church. I'd visited the church before - once as a child when I was part of a wedding that was held there, and once when I was in high school to see a living nativity performance during the Advent season.

I'm not yet able to fully describe why I enjoy this new experience so deeply. Perhaps because it's new. Perhaps because I'm participating in it with people whose lives are a bit more like mine. Perhaps because there are more people worshipping together than what is familiar to me. Perhaps because the service I attend is more traditional than not. Perhaps because I can light a candle when I walk into the sanctuary. Perhaps because after even this short time, I'm starting to feel connected. Whatever it is, I'm thoroughly enjoying it right now.

This is an interesting place for me to be at this time. One foot at Saint Paul's and one foot at Hennepin. I've called Saint Paul's home for 33 years, but when I'm asked why I attend, I'm not able to give a reason that I'm proud to share. Because I have for 33 years. Because my mom attends. Because it's a mile from where I live. Because I have some connections there. Because of habit. Or my favorite that I told our new pastor when she arrived: I don't know why I come here, I just do. I feel like I should attend Saint Paul's.

I've come to the conclusion that should isn't a reason at all for me anymore. Maybe a concrete, clearly articulated answer for either is something I won't be able to express. Maybe this all about feelings rather than analyzing thoughts. Time will tell.