Thursday, September 27, 2012

Right Now

Seeing a day-to-day color change in leaves on trees I pass on my way to work in the morning and my way home in the evening.

Eating heirloom tomatoes from the farmer's market. The tomatoes I grew this summer are but a memory.

Connecting with Instagram. Check plus for upgrading to an iPhone. Steve Jobs changed the world, people.

Feeling so grateful for taking time to garden outdoors this summer. My patio remains lush with shade-loving coleus and impatiens. I'm pumped to garden again next year at the community garden in the nature center across the street from my home. But I would like a 3x15 foot raised bed rather than the 15x15 foot plot I had this year.

Living in a pretty unorganized and not-as-tidy-as-I'd prefer home. The other side of choosing to spend free time not at home on the weekends.

Developing a new grocery shopping and laundry routine to tackle those tasks during the week vs. on the weekend.

Cooking a variety of meals on the weekend to have left-overs during the week. Love this.

Dreaming of international travel. England. Australia. Africa. Caribbean.

Adjusting to the nine-month work change trajectory I've been on since last December. Like it or not, this has been the centerpiece of my story for what feels like a really long time. I found out last December I would be laid-off in June. Lots of emotions and thoughts about this. Excited that I suddenly, more or less, had a blank canvas in front of me. Angry that the decision to face that canvas right now wasn't a decision I made. Sad to leave an organization and industry and so many coworkers that I love. Thrilled to have a summer "off." Tired of job interview after job interview not resulting in an offer. Anxious about my financial future as I checked off another week of collecting unemployment benefits. Proud that I acted with grace, took care of myself, carved out time for fun and stuck to my plan to land a job that was slightly different from the path I was on.

Learning a new work life. Observing a new culture. Cultivating relationships with new colleagues. Figuring out where I fit in. How I can make a difference. Regaining confidence in my skills and experience. Feeling appreciated. Feeling internal pressure to "know it all, now."

Mourning what is no longer. Seeing life move on at the old job and feeling pangs of sadness at strange times that I'm not there to be a part of it.

Knowing that I'm where I am now for a reason. Saying a daily prayer of thanks for what is true.

Planning for how my future will be affected due to this new work reality. Using far more of my take-home pay to fund retirement savings. Hoping I don't get really sick so I have PTO days to use instead for vacation.

Laughing at a new season of Parks & Rec.

Wearing layers again. And socks and tights. Love it.

Wishing I would meet a great guy. Wondering why this part of my life is so hard to make progress on. It just seems it's been stalled out my entire life.

Trusting myself.

Thanks Ali for encouraging this documenting of life right now.