willingness is the partner of life.

a mini a month: may, june and july

2011-09-14T18:27:00.000-05:00

This post has been a long time coming! Turns out my incredibly slow internet connection at home was eased a bit by switching to Google Chrome for my web browser - and it had to happen in order for me to navigate the new(er) Blogger system to create a new post. So, here we are with A Mini A Month: May, June and July. Clicking on the month name below each picture will bring you to shots of the entire book.

May

June

July

August is still under a bit of construction - needing some photos from the processor to round out the album. Still loving this project.

A Mini A Month is a year-long project where I follow my inspiration and use on-hand papers from my stash to create a minibook each month.

inner peace

2011-09-11T21:52:00.001-05:00

As I went about my day on this September 11, 2011, glancing a bit at memorial photos on the internet and listening just briefly to stories on MPR on my way home from Trader Joe's, images and memories from the last 10 years of my life kept popping into my mind. Happy times. Sad times. Funny times. Unexpected times. Angry times. Anxious times. Calm times. Joy-filled times. I was reminded that over these 10 years, I've come a long way at finding my own inner peace.

The week before September 11, 2001, I had "broken-up" with two friends from high school. One I would probably have called my best friend at the time. I'd known her since 7th grade. The break-up is a story too long and complicated to explain here. In sum, it was the situation of friends growing apart. If we had met for the first time then, we likely wouldn't have become friends. Ours was a friendship created by attending the same junior and senior high schools and then returning to our hometowns to live with our parents post-college. In the meantime we had met others who more closely matched who we were becoming as adults. It was a sad, angry and anxious time for me. For us. My everyday world had collapsed a bit. And then, a week later, parts of our country collapsed and lives ended. Perhaps for a bit we collectively felt what other parts of the world have felt for generations. Unease. Victimized. Loss.

Eight months later I was in a serious car accident - so serious that I saw my life flash in front of me, and thought "I don't want to die yet," and for a few brief moments, thought I had. It took about two years for me to recover emotionally from that experience. I was numb to life for in the beginning and remember telling a wise person, "I lived, but I forgot how to live." I told her I felt silly and guilty for even feeling this way, mentioning 9/11 victims and how small my hurts are compared to theirs and she told me - almost interrupting me to do so - Jill, peace begins inside of us. We can hope for peace in this world. But for that peace to happen, it needs to happen inside, each and every one of us. The best you can do for this world is find your own inner peace. Don't compare and diminish how you feel. You won't ever find peace that way.

And man, that was a challenging journey. Sad things kept happening. My mom had a heart attack. I got into a huge fight with my sister one Thanksgiving and we barely talked for six months after. I was employed, but didn't make enough money to move out of my parents and pay for graduate school. I was still single after date after date after date. There were good times, of course, but I hung on to the bad and sad for far too long. I couldn't shed old dreams. My thoughts had grown deep roots to the past; my anxiety about the future was exhausting.

The grace of something outside of me brought me back into the present moment one day in late May, 2008. I looked around and saw that life - my life - much to my surprise, looked pretty good. In fact, my life was incredibly blessed. I know it sounds too simple to be real, but it was like in just a moment, a switch was flipped and my set-point emotion wasn't sadness anymore. I was skeptical for a while. Could this be what happiness feels like because I think I felt happy all day today. For a while I was afraid I'd jinx myself by believing the next day I'd feel the same. Days of feeling happy overall turned into months, turned into a year. I was at ease in the moment. I had uprooted my self from the past and decided to move with the present. I took new paths. Hurts were healed. Old good dreams were replaced with new good dreams. I was at peace.

It didn't surprise me at all today as I was on my way home from Trader Joe's, driving down a road I take almost every day, that I saw the break-up friend from 10 years ago walking his dog. He married the other break-up friend, my old best friend about 8 years ago. We live just a few blocks away from each other now and we see each other occasionally out and about, managing our lives at the grocery store or Target. We often stop and chat and smile. I'm friends with them on facebook - enough that I comment on their wall posts from time to time. I'm happy in my life and I hope they are happy in theirs as well.

The best each of us can do for this world is to find our own inner peace. It's everyday work. It's work that doesn't end. It's hard and it's messy and it hurts sometimes. I'm not perfect at it and I don't expect others to be either. I'll be challenged again. But I know this for sure: I am a truer, more loving person because I've committed to this work.

a mini a month: march and april

2011-06-07T20:26:00.002-05:00

Wow. It's been a month since my last post. Since then green leaves and blooming flowers and 103 degree temps have emerged outside. I've been sort of captivated by all the fresh new-ness of late spring (now summer, apparently!) in Minnesota and it's been keeping me busy and away from the blog world. But I'm back with an update/share of A Mini A Month.

The covers of March and April are below - click on the month name below each photo to see the entire album. Even though my posting is later than I hoped, I still love this project and am keeping up on creating a book a month. My goals are still being met: get crafty, use my supply stash, let inspiration take over and guide me. May is sitting on my desk waiting better light (read: next weekend when I'm home during the day) for photographing. Apologies that photos of March are a bit on the dark side. I raced sundown that day and kinda won ;)

March

April

A note about April. I used Ali Edwards' idea of a Scrapbook on the Road to document two days (a weekend) in my city.

Cheers to a new season, new ideas and new ways of seeing possibilities. And more sun, heat and flowers for good measure.

A Mini A Month is a year-long project where I follow my inspiration and use on-hand papers from my stash to create a minibook each month.

craftstravaganza 2011

2011-05-07T11:12:00.001-05:00

Last Saturday, I visited one of my favorite urban/modern craft sales, Craftstravaganza. It's hosted in the Fine Arts building at the Minnesota State Fairgrounds in St. Paul and seems to always draw a crowd. And the weather always seems to be semi-miserable. It was cloudy, rainy and under 50 degrees for most of the day. I arrived around 3pm and watched the clouds part and sun start shining. I took that as a sign for me to have fun, fun, fun at the sale.

I've decided to start practicing creative tithing (link routes to an article by Scoutie Girl - highly recommend reading it if you're interested in this topic) - supporting other creatives by purchasing their art on a consistent basis - something I've done for a while actually, but lacked a great way to think about this practice until hearing about if from my friend Caiti. Here's how I tithed at the sale (and, just to note, I tithed a bit more than I expected too!):

Necklaces by Larissa. Loved her display (sorry, no pictures) and actually it's probably what drew me into her booth. I make much of my own jewelry so I usually pass right by the jewelry booths. She works with a lot of metals, which is something I don't do much of, so that's what first attracted me to hr space. Then I saw her lovely assortment of vintage/reproduction vintage lockets and necklace pendants and knew I would be picking something up. I left with two necklaces - the teal/ivory owl cameo (saving it for fall) and the golden yellow floral cabochon, which I'm wearing now.

Map cutout of Minnesota. I love maps. Have for a long, long time. I can read atlases for hours. So when I saw Stephanie's sleek and colorful display, dotted with map images, I walked right on over. I flipped through her Minnesota paper cuts and told her I'd be back after looking around some more because I was caught between two of her framed pieces. Obviously I did swing back later and decided to go with the Minnesota cut that features the area of northern Minnesota where I vacationed with my family from toddlerhood through college (what were the chances that Blackduck, Minnesota would make it in to one of her pieces - meant to be, right?). The other option was of the Twin Cities (and included my fav city of Northfield), but after a conversation with Stephanie's dad, I decided to go with Blackduck. Happy I did. Stephanie came all the way from Michigan for this sale, and indie crafting is her full-time gig. I was happy to meet her.

Peacock screenprint. I've really been into decorating and crafting with bird images for over a year. Peacocks (and owls) are new birds for me. I found this piece at Amy Jo's booth and I wasn't sure at first, but I'm happy I brought this home. I think it might be just right for this small spot above my kitchen sink that has stumped me art-wise for almost six years.

Not pictured:
Mother's Day card from Michelle. I always visit Michelle's booth. I have quite a few of her screenprinted creations and two photos. I love her floral/nature inspired prints. I believe she lives in North Dakota.

Six greeting cards from Keli. I chose to restock my greeting card collection from Keli, rather than Hallmark. We had a great chat, that among my typical crafty questions, included a conversation about how nice it would be to have a husband who would be all about doing the things we're not too keen on. For Keli that meant helping to haul in her displays for shows. For me that would mean cleaning up the kitchen after making a meal and spackling walls, among others. We had a good laugh together and I found myself with some super great cards.

I love this show! Both for the visual beauty and the beauty of connecting with the artists. And it's a sure sign the seasons are moving right along to spring and summer :)

creating a green oasis

2011-05-01T11:12:00.001-05:00

I have fully embraced one of my 35 at 35 actions: creating a green oasis in my living space. I kicked into high gear with it after the holidays and I'm still going strong.

Since I moved out on my own I've experimented on and off with different houseplants. I quickly settled on the idea that pothos was the plant for me - I can let them dry way out and give them a really big drink and they more or less flourish. Along the way I learned I don't have the touch for snakeplants and the rest of what is sold in the plant mart at Ikea. I almost gave up on plants when I killed my fifth snakeplant. Really? They are said to be among the easiest plants to keep alive. I've since figured out I was planting them in too large of a pot and overwatering. Back to life as a pothos girl.

I think the motivation to expand my plantings came while I visited Savannah this past October. The city's foliage is gorgeous - mysterious and romantic, stately and wild - and it felt like a "character" to me in this storied town. I wanted to cultivate more living green in my home when I returned. I decided holding off on this project until after Christmas would be a great motivator for me. Fresh plants for a new year. This also gave me a bit of time to figure out container styles for my new friends. I've become more interested in decorating with white over the past year, so I decided to use vintage/thrifted milkglass and white ceramic pedestal vases for this project. I've loved finding them at the Goodwill and vintage/antique shops around town.

This project also brought me to a local nursery greenhouse in the middle of Minnesota's long and snowy winter. I spent a few weekends strolling the aisles, soaking up the warmth and light and textures of the space. So grateful for that.

Here's where I started in January - with baby's tears and a lemon-button fern. I've found success with the baby's tears, but the nursery experts helped me determine I don't have a "fern-loving" home.

I knew there was a reason I squirreled away these pebbles in a kitchen cabinet a few years ago. I grew tired of decorating with them, but they've come in handy for creating drainage in my vintage planters.

I've read quite a bit about creating terrariums and learned African violet mix is the soil to use when creating an enclosed garden. I've yet to make a terrarium (I'd like to, though), but I am finding success with the violet potting soil. It's more loose, which seems to be helpful for a recovering overwaterer like myself. It's easier for me to tell when the soil is dry and the soil dries out faster than others, so I can give into my urge to water.

This plant vignette lives on my kitchen peninsula counter. Near two windows. The fern started here, but died because there wasn't enough light and it was probably too cold during the winter months. The baby's tears (need weekly watering), pothos (monthly watering), succulents (bi-weekly watering) seem to like it here, though. The milkglass dish holds my newest plant obsession: air plants. I purchased five small plants from an etsy seller in February. Love them! Easy care - require no soil, just one to two showers a week under your sink faucet. I plan to add some larger plants to the mix this summer.

In March I picked up some wheatgrass seeds so I could see grass growing amid an outdoor landscape that was still covered with snow. I planted two rounds of container grass, most recently for Easter. It lasts for a few weeks, then seems to topple over and dry out. It spouts in just a few days in a thin layer of moist soil, and surprisingly, not much light. I do have to give it a "trim" to keep it shorter. In addition to the rectangular white planter, I now have it growing in the vintage cups in the second photo, too - next to the sedum-type plant that has been in bloom for 2+ months.

In April I picked up a small blooming orchid at Trader Joe's. First time for me with an orchid. I asked my mom about them and she's never had luck. So far I've followed the instructions on the tag (water when the top layer of moss is dry) and it's still living. I water with a basic liquid fertilizer mixed in the water. I hope that might prompt it to bloom again. It has one little bloom still hanging on. I read that once all the blooms fall, you should trim it back to the notch behind the lowest past bloom to get it going again. We'll see. The leaves are pleasant, too - remind me of magnolia leaves (which fell frequently from trees and hit my in the head - ouch! - in Savannah).

The vintage egg cup in the first photo (sorry for the scattered reference) is the perfect home for a small pony-tail palm. I love these plants. I have a much larger planting of three pony-tail bulbs in my bedroom that I picked up a few weeks ago. They tell you when they need water as their bulb shrinks in size - not very often, it turns out. I like their spikey and drapey texture.

And another shot of a tiny air plant. This project makes me so happy.

New feature: A Mini A Month

2011-04-06T22:04:00.003-05:00

I've been quietly working on a new year-long project I'd like to share. I'm calling it A Mini A Month.

The idea came to me over the week-long break from work I had during the holiday season in December. I was puttering around in my craft area one day, feeling rather overwhelmed by the amount of papers I've collected and photos I've had printed. Overwhelmed in a good way, I should say. I enjoy having this collection and decided I would enjoy it even more if I put it to use.

So, with that, A Mini A Month was born.

Here's the project "framework" I've developed for myself:

Create one minibook a month with at least half of the contents coming from my collected stash - including already developed photos.
Use the mini as a personal journal of what I experienced in the month - favorites, routines, events, facts, feelings.
Focus less on the journaled words forming complete sentences and thoughts.
Test out artsy techniques I've seen or thought of, but haven't had a venue to try out.

I'm loving this project.

Currently, here's why. I look forward to working on it = I get something created. I see my stash being used. I like going with my current flow at the start of each month with how I want to construct the book - what's interesting me now in color, size, contents, words. I love that I welcome each month with a new mental canvas - a new month to make a new book.

Here are the covers of January and February and a link below each to view the complete album in a flickr set.

January

February

I don't plan to give extensive how-to's on each of these albums throughout the year. Feel free to contact me via email jmkane25 AT msn DOT com if you have a question or two.

I'll post March soon and progress throughout the rest of the year.

Hooray for embracing creativity and just going with it!

A Mini A Month is a year-long project where I follow my inspiration and use on-hand papers from my stash to create a minibook each month.

keeping me going

2011-03-23T10:23:00.003-05:00

This gorgeous photo by Flora Douville featured in a recent post on her blog is keeping me going while freezing rain and snow continue to fall in the Twin Cities.

Doesn't the magic of the light and mystery of the path just draw you in? Love it. (I suggest clicking on the photo to view it larger - my blog formatting requires a smaller photo.) Thanks to Flora for this much needed spring eye-candy.

ps : Flora's photography greets me M-F at my work office. This is the second year I've displayed her photo calendar on my pinboard. She lives in France and I believe most of her paired photos are details of her European life. I enjoy the glimpses of life across the pond.

meals & such

2011-03-06T21:55:00.000-06:00

During my walk in snow flurries this afternoon I was thinking about how much I'm enjoying how I've been planning meals for the past five or so months. I discovered how preparing a meal is meditative for me about ten years ago when I was following a strict Weight Watchers program. Cooking really became a passion for me.

I know this plan isn't novel and many people probably follow something similar. My rationale for doing this covers a few objectives:
- it's more economical for me
- ease on Monday - Friday
- I make better eating choices. I work on a university campus and have tons of great food options just a few blocks away from my office. But that means spending more cash and not making wise choices all the time.

For me, right now, it's easiest to make 2-3 meal options on Sunday. These pretty much last me throughout the week. Here's what this looks like most often:

1. A hot entree. Soup, a pasta or grain dish or a cooked meat. I eat this for both lunches and dinners. I usually get 4-5 servings from what I make. For soups, I usually freeze at least one serving right after I make the recipe for the future. I like to do this on the front-end because I'm less likely to toss it at the end of the week because I'm tired of eating the dish. Needlessly wasting food is a top pet peeve for me.

2. Something that's served cold. Vegetable, pasta/grain or fruit. Vegetables usually take the form of salads. Grains/pastas are typically salads too, with chopped vegetables, a seasoned dressing to hold everything together and a protein (cheese, meat, egg or nuts). I combine fruit quite a bit with yogurt or cottage cheese. The old standby of a PB&J or meat/cheese/spread sandwich fits into this category too. This usually is a 4-5 serving option too.

3. A baked good. This is more of a recent thing for me. I've been making muffins or quick bread weekly for about a month. I'd rather have these goodies around the house than a full-on dessert on a regular basis. They make for a quick breakfast if I'm running late and they save me from picking something up at a coffee shop during the day. And I know what I've made them with.

4. Extras (for when I get bored with something, or if the weekend is too busy to get two options completed). I rely on my freezer mostly for extras. Portions of hot entrees I've frozen. Matthew's burritos. Amy's low-sodium frozen meals. Frozen vegetables. Frozen fruit for smoothies. Trader Joe's naan. Trader Joe's cucumber wontons (this is a regular go-to on Wednesdays when I tutor after work and eat around 8:30 or so). Eggs for an omelet or hard-boiled. Target Simply Balanced pizza (you can take the girl out of college, but you can't take college out of the girl). Friday is usually the day I'll buy lunch around campus. I do keep a few dessert sweets on hand. Usually ice cream, frozen fruit bars and/or cookies in the freezer.

This week looks like this: my version of veggie chili, hard-boiled eggs in the fridge, a quinoa tuna salad I made up and cornbread muffins.

I keep a notepad on my fridge and write down entree ideas there. It's right next to the notepad I use to make grocery lists, so it's easy for me to glance over and jog my memory about what I'd like to eat. Right now, this is a great plan for me.

the littlest things

2011-02-28T22:03:00.000-06:00

The littlest things are making me happy right now. Like this small, thrifted plate that's perfect for two Carr's ginger lemon biscuits. Tangy and tart, not too sweet. Perfect with a cup of hot chai tea.

What little thing is making you happy right now?

sunday muffins

2011-02-20T22:49:00.005-06:00

I'm so not on board with another 10-20 inches of snow, so I made strawberry rhubarb muffins this morning. Used this recipe. Highly recommend. I added a bit of vanilla to the batter and a sprinkling of sugar on the top of each muffin before baking. Delicious! Take that snow - spring is right around the corner!

liz gilbert

2011-02-12T15:04:00.002-06:00

I haven't written a bucket list for my life. All those ideas are still tucked away in my mind. But last night, I was able to put a little check mark next to one.

Elizabeth Gilbert kicked of my local library system's author talks series with a free talk at a 1,000 seat theater in the southern metro. I heard about this event a few weeks ago when a facebook post from the author series appeared on my update stream. Hmmm, I immediately added it to my work calendar, but thought I shouldn't get too excited about because I probably wouldn't be able to get in because they weren't issuing advance tickets for it. I pictured myself getting stuck in Friday afternoon traffic or being the 1,001 person in line. So, I sorta forgot about it until this week. It literally wasn't until I had a decision to make about which way to turn my car to leave campus that I decided to see if I could get a spot in the audience.

I got to the theater just as they were opening the doors at 6:15. The line was long. Not out the door long, but long in that it snaked through the entire building so people wouldn't have to stand outside. But I did get a seat around 6:40. Right on the aisle.

Liz came on stage at 7. She was radiant, even from my high-up seat. Warm and funny. She told two stories about her mistaken identity. One about two Estelle Getty-type women who thought she had something to do with "that Eat Pray Love book" and had to ask. When Liz said who she was, one of the women said, "oh, so you're the one that wrote that book based on that movie with Julia Roberts?" The other story was about the store she and her husband own in Frenchtown, NJ. A customer asked her husband if he knew about the store (not knowing he was the owner). She told him she had heard an author owned the store and that it was Barbara Kingsolver. Lots of laughs over these. Liz has a bunch of cousins that live in Minnesota and she was delighted to see many of them in the audience.

She read a few pages from her recent book, Committed, then took questions. A volunteer with a mic walked by me while another question was being answered and I stopped him. So he waited by me. My heart was pounding in my throat. I no like public speaking. For a minute I thought, what are doing, Jill? Then I was up and I asked a shortened version of the question I've wanted to ask her if I ever got the chance. It went something like this:

Hi Liz. I'd love to hear more from you about the conversation you had with Richard about his idea about soul mates. Could you talk a little more about that?

You need to have read to book to know the part I'm talking about and I won't go into it at length here. She smiled and nodded her head and said what Richard told her about soul mates changed her thinking about her life from that point on in the journey she was on. She also said she noticed quite early on in all of her book signings that the most common page readers wanted her to sign (after the standard title page) was the soul mates page. She said that says a lot about how her story is like so many other people's stories too. And then she was on to the next question. There were no more than six asked, so I feel fortunate that mine was one of them.

I loved hearing her answer. And if I had more time with her I would have said her words on that page were the catalyst for me to start thinking differently about my life when I read them in 2007. I sat through the end of her talk thinking how amazing it is that words truly do change lives. What a gift.

I had Committed with me and not EPL, so I had her sign one of my favorite pages in that book - an idea I wouldn't have thought of on my own until she shared it tonight. I really couldn't talk to her when I was a foot away from her. I tried saying something and ended up smiling at her instead.

Here's another part of the story. I wasn't feeling very social as I was walking to my car with my coworker Kaylee yesterday. We were having a pleasant conversation, but I was tired from the week and distracted about how nice it would be just to get home while it was still daylight out and call it a day and maybe that I really did want to try to see Liz tonight. And look what happened by me deciding to be social when I didn't feel like it.

Hooray for the little goals that move you to reach the ones almost too big to believe.

35 to do at 35

2011-02-09T23:36:00.000-06:00

I turned 35 on this past November 25 - Thanksgiving Day, in fact. A double special birthday because Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday of the year.

Elise has inspired me with her birthday books to come up with a list of to-do's totalling how old you are. I started last year when I was 34. Susannah just posted a fabulous 38 @ 38 list last week. I love finding these types of celebratory/focused goals for the next year lists from other bloggers. An update on my 34 project coming soon. I need better light to take a few more photos on my completed book documenting my list.

Here's my 35 @ 35. Updates on progress to follow throughout the year. And of course I'm making another little book to document my progress - photos of that to follow, too, in another post.

1: Go hear live music. November 27 was my first concert - seeing the Brothers Frantzich holiday concert. January 28 was my second seeing a vocal/poetry/short film/dance performance at Patrick's Cabaret for Tammy's birthday. This also counts for #17.
2: Can some jam or salsa or jelly.
3: Try a new food.
4: Buy a digital SLR camera.
5: Take a photo class.
6: Register past MCBA classes toward a certificate in book arts.
7: Make a book for someone. Completed. Made little word of the year books for Tammy and Laura for a part of our New Year's ritual. I'd like to make more for others. . .
8: Volunteer with kids.
9: Take a trip to Bayfield, WI.
10: Do good with $5.
11: Holiday gathering on-line.
12: Be social when I don't feel like it. Social is my word for the year.
13: Take a risk. Technically I've completed this one as well. I gave my boss a list of added job responsibilities I would like to add to my portfolio. Still waiting on where this is going. . . and feel I can add more risks to the list.
14: Date. Still. On. The. List. If you know anyone I should meet, let me know ;)
15: Cross an ocean.
16: Rent the Lilly Cabin.
17: Attend a cultural event once per month. Sorta crossing with #1 so far.
18: Read six books. First one done - The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown.
19: Host a dinner party.
20: Watch the Star Wars trilogy.
21: Walk a 5K event.
22: Go bowling.
23: Love something difficult to love.
24: Write a letter of appreciation. I did this today - without even thinking about this to-do! I'm counting the email I sent to the director of research at the U of M Foundation, thanking her for her team's collaborative efforts. This department is criticized sometimes (I'll admit, by me and my office mates and other offices around campus) for not sleuthing out enough viable donor prospects for us to meet with. Well, I sent Juli a thank you email today because a few years ago the researcher I worked with at the time used a two paragraph blurb in a local paper to identify an alumnus I met this week. Regardless if he makes a financial gift down the road - meeting him has been a gift to me this week. It felt great to share a thank you with a colleague.
25: Paint something.
26: Sew a pillow.
27: Dress up for Halloween.
28: Do a random act of kindness for someone I don't know.
29: See a show with mom.
30: Go out to eat with dad.
31: Walk a new labyrinth.
32: Create a green plant oasis at home. I'm having a lot of fun with this one right now.
33: Finish my Ireland album.
34: Put together a thrifted outfit - preferably vintage fashions.
35: Document this list. Started. . .

That's it! Excited to see where these take me. . .

what i did during the super bowl

2011-02-06T21:53:00.001-06:00

I made this

with some of these

and a little of that.

Saying I loathe American football really isn't strong enough. It's something I care not one iota about. Right up there with parades and fireworks - although I do enjoy those just a smidge, every so often. Heck, I watched the St. Paul Winter Carnival Torchlight Parade on TV yesterday. I did think it was just as boring as it would have been if I were standing outside watching it, but I watched it with my mom. I did learn something new, however. I didn't know of the tradition of the Vulcans ousting King Boreius, so it was sorta fun to see that happen on the steps on the downtown library. But I won't need to see that happen again to live a happy life.

I spent this Super Bowl Sunday doing all sorts of things I enjoy. I attended a free decorating class at Pottery Barn. I've heard about these before and was curious. It was OK. Surprisingly the instructor encouraged us to look at what we already own and thinking about new decorating possibilities. I thought it would be all about pushing PB products. Refreshing. After that I ate lunch at Bread & Chocolate, followed by a quick trip back to the antique mall I visited yesterday because I forgot to pick up something I really wanted. . .a kitchen gadget. I'm not a big kitchen gadget gal, but this one is probably my fave. I'll post about it soon. Then I went to the nursery to pick up a few more houseplants. Two more stops - the Y (SB had started by this point and no one was there - score!) and the grocery store - also near empty.

After all that, back home to make the above - smitten kitchen's mushroom bourguignon. Second time I've made it. Pure winter comfort food. It's fantastic.

And tomorrow is my favorite Monday. The start of the non-football season. Now World Cup soccer on the other hand. . . there's something I wish came around more often than every four years.

vintage thrifting

2011-02-06T00:49:00.000-06:00

Hooray for discovering beauty from the past. I've been inching my way back into picking up housewares and and clothing from my local thrift, consignment and antique shops. I've found my style has changed a bit from my early 20s - especially for housewares. I used to be all about rustic barn wood and rusty metal. Not so much anymore. Now I'm wildly attracted to 50s and 60s prints - mostly florals - on just about anything. A double hooray if I find something to wear from these decades.

A few little dishes, yellow houndstooth pillowcases for spring and summer. And this wool dress coat with square buttons and fur collar. I do feel sorry for the rabbit that gave its life for this collar. It was a long time ago. And I really love being able to give this beauty another life. I'm thinking these little dishes will provide nice homes to some small air plants I'll be purchasing from etsy. Oh, and the tablecloth is thrifted as well - picked it up last fall.

For me, it's all about finding just a couple items I really love, rather than buying just because it's a good deal. More to come as I pick up items here and there.

sunday soup

2011-01-23T13:52:00.001-06:00

Recipe for an easy Sunday afternoon soup starts with two jars of these

some of these

an immersion blender, some soft cheese and crusty bread

and my extra: some GUS (grown-up soda). Has anyone tried this brand? It's good.

I made Giada De Laurentiis' creamy red pepper soup this afternoon for the second time.

A recipe that does not disappoint, in my book at least.

want something?

2011-01-21T14:42:00.001-06:00

Really love this by Tara Whitney.

one little word//2011

2011-01-17T23:12:00.000-06:00

see the entire book here

I'm 17 days into my word for 2011: social. I love finding a word to guide and inspire me throughout the year. More on my words from past years here.

There are layers to the story of finding social for 2011. The first layer is over ten years old. After graduating college (the most social time of my life to date, in my mind), I found myself back home, living with my parents, working full-time and reconnecting with friends from high school. Many of us moved back home. Together a core group of us cobbled together much socialness, bringing college friends and new co-workers into the fold. It was fun. It was chaotic. Lots of parties. Lots of planning. I (quite literally, even) became Julie from the Love Boat for this group. All I did was plan our next weekend. Our next adventure. A Caribean cruise vacation. Finding ways for all of us to be together. Working really hard not to notice that we all were really drifting apart. Drifting away from who we were as kids and defining who we were becoming as adults. It was a bumpy, bumpy ride. And along the way me feelings became really hurt. Looking back on the whole deal I can't really remember what all the drama was about our partings. I do know that there are a few people from this group I don't miss in my life. And a few that I still talk to and see occasionally, which I enjoy.

What stuck with me for many years was this feeling that I had been taken advantage of during this time. I don't remember hearing "thanks" for all the work I put into planning our social activities. Part of the issue was me. I was sort of a doormat for my friends - I didn't command much respect in how I behaved with them. But still, this lack of gratitude really bugged me and I decided I'm done being the social planner. I'll just hang out in the back seat and let others drive for a while. That worked OK for a few years. Then most of my friends coupled up, got married and started having kids. And I (we all) entered the very fake world of believing 1) if you're single, your calendar is always full of exciting things to do and you don't have for your non-single friends and 2) if you're coupled or coupled with kids your life is rooted in boring routine and obligations and your single friends don't really want to come over to your house for dinner. I can only speak of 1) from experience - and it's not true.

Now, I did learn an important life-skill over these past 7 or so years: how to be my own best friend and enjoy spending time with myself. I can't say I've mastered much in my life so far, but I have mastered this. And like it or not, most of us will likely be single as an adult at some point in our lives - and faced with living alone. I'm proof it doesn't have to be sad and lonely. I am sad and lonely at times - of course, we all are - but it's not my normal. I'm happy and content these days and it feels wonderful.

All this came to my mind in October when I sat down for an early dinner at Social on Tybee Island. It was my last day visiting Savannah and at least two shop owners I met during the week told me I had to go to Social when I was on Tybee. Even though it's on the main street, I drove by it about five times. It's a new restaurant on Tybee - very beachy, laid-back in feeling. Lots of open spaces inside and out on the porch. I loved all the white and weathered wood, the billowy fabric that was draped around the porch and the twinkle lights in the rafters. I was the only person eating outside and I pictured the place humming on a weekend evening, in an easy, friendly, smiling sort of way. Hmmm, social. The word was starting to stick with me.

The next week I was walking my usual route into work and stopped by a display board in front of our natural history museum on campus. Lots of flyers about upcoming exhibits and events. One caught me eye: Social at the Bell. I picked up that postcard and along my walk decided the universe was telling me to be more social.

So, here I am. Social is on my mind. So far, so good. I'm looking forward to what the year of social has to offer me.

(The first photo is from a little book I put together in December. I was needing a break from my Holiday Daily project and wanted to make something a bit more random and less formatted. I had some other words I had written in my journal that I thought could be my word for 2011 while at Clare's Well in August. This little book is about those words, and social, too. I had fun making it.)

an old friend

2011-01-09T20:34:00.000-06:00

From the Celtic Comtemplative Service at Pilgrim Lutheran Church in St. Paul, Minnesota.

Into your prayer time tonight, we invite you bring these concerns: (this one has been on the list since I started attending this service in 2008)

"those who need to forget the God they do not believe in and meet the God who believes in them."

thanks 2010

2010-12-31T23:52:00.005-06:00

To love were my words for 2010. I knew it before, but felt it this year time and again: love is a really, really big word. I remember most little moments that passed my way, and recognizing I need to love them, just as they are.

Here are a few:
Laughing with mom and Jodi as we cleaned mom's kitchen cabinets in March. I'm all about weeding out what is no longer needed - Jodi and mom, not so much. The final task was moving all of mom's beautiful, treasured china and glass to a hutch dad made for her last year. It all glistens and sparkles from behind the glass doors.

Connecting with thoughtful, creative and amazing new friends I met through the Unravelling e-course in the spring. We live all over the world. Our lives are all very different. Yet we connected.

The Sisters at Clare's Well trusting that Tammy and I would know how to dig a ditch to bury a drainage pipe on the Sacred Path. I told Carol that I thought she had a lot of faith in us. She just smiled.

Spending a Saturday night in June home with the windows wide open. The nature center across the street was having an outdoor concert at the barn, which became a free indoor concert for me. It was perfect.

Picking dad up from the rehabilitation center he lived at for three weeks after his knee replacement in July. He met new friends there. It was strangely sad walking down the hallway with him as he said goodbye to all the nurses and physical therapists who helped him (pushed him) to recover. It was the best decision for him to go there right after the hospital. . . because he's completely let his PT work slide since.

A guest at Clare's Well telling me she felt my complete peace just before I left after my week's stay.

Invitations waiting for me when I returned from Clare's Well from two friends. For two different experiences/events. This was a true blessing.

Reading to baby Carlo and watching him point to buttons on his shirt, then to circles in the book.

Taking mom to the State Fair. She loves the fair - and it's been sad to see her miss it the past few years. She was brave tackling a day of the highest record attendance (ever!) on a motorized scooter. I'm so proud of her.

Jodi giving me $5 at Andrew's football game for concession snacks - 2 sodas, nachos and 2 popcorns - and me saying it wouldn't be enough. She grinned and said, "You're in Akron, Iowa, Jill - not the Twin Cities. You'll be fine." The total came to $4.

Laughing with Megan when we saw the olive green kitchenette in our hotel room in Portland.

Asking a current UMMer to take our picture at Homecoming.

Chatting with an off-duty pilot at Atlanta Hartsfield.

Hearing and reading happy birthday.

Watching Paul Frantzich perform at the Brothers holiday concert.

Falling asleep for the night on the living room couch at my parents on Christmas Eve.

Moving vases and dishes around in my kitchen, preparing to plant some new green plants after the Christmas decorations come down.

Gathering my favorite little books I made this year into a basket to sit next to my bed.

It was a year to love.

he see's you when you're sleeping

2010-12-24T00:20:00.000-06:00

**This is a re-post from last year at Christmas time. One that I fondly remember writing. I was all set to keep up with the Reverb 10 prompts this month and just couldn't. They were all so juicy and introspective (which I love), but I just couldn't keep up. I have next week off from work and I plan to spend some time going through the list, selecting those that resonate with me, and doing some writing. A little gift to myself.

Enjoy the magic of this holiday, wherever you are and whomever you are with. Be it with one or with many, there is always joy to be celebrated. Take a moment to celebrate the season in your own way and notice how it allows you to connect to the whole.
xoxo,
Jill

Ah, Santa. The Santas around my home have captured my attention much more this year. For a while Santa's secularness and connection with the material part of Christmas sort of drove me nuts. So for the past few years I've been kind of down on the idea of Santa. This year I'm back to liking Santa more. I started thinking how hard my family worked to keep the magic of Santa alive for me when I was young, and what a true gift that is to me. My sister submitted my name somewhere so I would receive a letter from Santa, probably when I was two or three. My mom kept it, and added it to the Christmas decorations I put up in my room each year. It was big deal for me to pick out the cookies and the milk glass I'd leave for Santa on Christmas Eve. And Santa wrapped his gifts really well, and always in Santa paper.

The pictures are of a Santa decoration I've had since I was probably five or so. I believe it was a gift from a neighbor. Now I'm struck by the craftsmenship of it - it's so rare to see wooden toys and decorations now. It's always hung in my bedroom - at my parent's, on my closet door, and now at my place on my bedroom door. There's a little pull string on the bottom that moves Santa's legs and arms, which makes the little bells tinkle. I love it.

When I was in college I enjoyed watching my nephew, Andrew, live in awe of Santa. I would help him pick out cookies and pour milk and write his note to Santa. I'd stay up with my sister and help assemble toys and cardboard blocks and wrap Santa gifts. One year Santa came out to my sister's house and Andrew had a personal visit with him. He asked for a "comfortable quiet." My dad laughed so hard and couldn't believe how Andrew could know what we would all want for Christmas. If you knew Andrew at the time, this was completely fitting. He was perhaps the loudest, and somewhat obnoxious, little 3 year old. When Santa left, Andrew looked at us with big eyes and asked, "Santa drives a Ford Taurus?" (my brother-in-law worked for Ford at the time, so that's how Andrew knew about the Taurus). And after he drove away, I watched out the window as Andrew and my mom stood out in yard and walked all around the house, little Andrew pointing at the roof and mom explaining how Santa will find a way inside to deliver presents on Christmas night.

These memories simply delight me. Many of my Santa gifts are long gone, but the thoughtfulness and care my family took - and the enjoyment I've had "on the other side" of Santa - keep me believing in the magic people bring to this season.

on the sixth day. . .

2010-12-06T22:40:00.001-06:00

Reverb 10: December 6 – Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it? (Author: Gretchen Rubin)

This isn't the last thing I've made, but hanging art on this red wall is probably the most recent thing I've made that has brought me so much joy (sometimes I think maybe a bit too much joy because, after all, it is a non-living thing). It was a stated goal of mine to complete this task when I was 34 (which I did) and one that hung out on my mental list of to-do's since 2007 or 2008. I have commitment issues when it comes to pounding nails in walls. This little project, two in my living room and bedroom and soon another in my craft room are helping me get over my wall nailing fears. I'm loving the results. Makes my place feel more like home with each new addition.

on the fifth day. . .

2010-12-05T22:20:00.003-06:00

Reverb 10: December 5 – Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why? (Author: Alice Bradley)

This year I let go of worrying about things I do not have control over. The budget in my department and how it might impact my employment. The fact that my home has lost considerable value in eyes of lenders and the county. My dad making it OK through his knee surgery and rehabilitation. Weather patterns that could impact my family being together on holidays. I could go on with examples, but I'll stop.

I did and still do think about these situations, but I noticed this year that I didn't do a lot of future forecasting about them. I let the thought go through my mind when I needed it to, and let it leave when I had thought enough about it (which happened to be pretty fast, compared to other times in my life). "What is, is" has become my mantra with these situations that are out of my control. I can stew in worry and let that shut out thoughts about positive actions, or I can give them a moment of my time and then move on to new thoughts. I've practiced moving on to what I can take action with this year. It feels powerful.

on the fourth day. . .

2010-12-04T22:04:00.003-06:00

Reverb 10: December 4 – Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year? (Author: Jeffrey Davis)

by taking time to notice who I am becoming

by treating myself to the unexpected

by taking time to be a little spontaneous and silly

by returning to the sacred

by sharing days with others

by seeing two

and believing in one.

on the third day. . .

2010-12-03T20:01:00.000-06:00

Reverb 10: Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors). (Author: Ali Edwards)

Near sunset on an early spring day in late March, I was walking on the floating dock in the nature center across the street from my home. This winding, plastic-slatted dock has long felt like a magical path to me. Tall grasses that enjoy water surround you on most of the walk, with an occasional clearing and larger observation platform where naturalists can gather with visitors to describe this habitat. You can view the red farm buildings to one side, hardwood forests to the other, and the pond all around.

This evening my gaze focused to the horizon line. The brown trees looking just a bit softer with the smallest of buds emerging. The tall grasses hinting toward green. The pond water as clear as I've ever seen. Reflecting the warm pale blue of the sky.

Warm pale blue sky. I only see the sky this color in early spring. I've noticed it for over ten springs now. The first in 1998, as a college senior who felt something beginning that evening, in a Jeep traveling back to campus on a rural highway in western Minnesota. I glanced out the window and the warm pale blue sky touched my heart. Birds flew above us, diving around in the farm fields. Greening grasses emerged. I looked at the sky, I looked at him and in my mind's eye, I saw scenes of my future. They were vivid, but fleeting. Playing out only for me to see.

The warm pale blue skies that followed each year since prompted twinges of sadness in my chest. I would turn away from them. Focus on the road. The building. My feet. I was happy to see them disappear into the vibrant bright blue sky of summer. The purple of autumn. The muted grey of winter.

Until this evening. I relaxed my body and looked through the grasses. And just gazed at that warm pale blue sky. A warmth was bubbling over in my chest. And in my complete stillness, I felt it moving through my body. To my head. My fingers. And my feet. Leaving me and moving into the earth and air around me. I allowed myself to rest in this moment and smile. This time my love was enough. It more than filled me. It spilled all around me. Gratefulness arose in my mind. For that moment twelve years ago, when I saw that warm pale blue and felt something beginning. Now, in this moment, I’m not concerned with the love that never filled that messy space between him and me. With not knowing if I will ever feel that exciting beginning of something again. It’s delicious to see that sky and feel only exciting, joyous love. Now seeing the warm pale blue spring sky is enough. I am enough.

on the second day. . .

2010-12-02T23:34:00.000-06:00

Reverb 10: prompt two/writingWriting. What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it? (Author: Leo Babauta of Zen Habits)

This is an easy one for me to answer. I don't write everyday. Well, that's not exactly true. I write for work M-F. Emails, proposals and thank you notes, mostly. I feel fortunate because my work vocabulary is full of beautiful words: generous, thank you, gift, talent and motivated come to mind quickly.

I know I don't write everyday for myself because I struggle with finding just the right words. If they aren't coming, I stop writing. Part of that perfection and efficiency thing I deal with. I've taken a lot of writing classes over the past few years and I'm still not completely sold on the idea that writers write through the blah ideas, the lacking words, the stuck-ness. The rational part of my mind knows this has to be the case for people who make their living writing about what they are interested in. It has to be true. I know the writers I admire are human. They struggle. They don't feel in the grove. But those that continue to produce have some sort of discipline that I just don't possess right now.

For my habits to change, I have to change my attitude about why I write for me. That me as the sole audience for my words is good enough. That writing even when I'm feeling content and life is clicking is valuable to my growth. That I have something to say that I want to read, and quite possibly, that someone else would want to read as well.

And from Tammy. . . I selected the following intention from what she sent me. Happens to be a quote I've held close to my heart for over two years. It's actually my screen saver on my home computer. I haven't recited it to myself in quite a while. Just two days ago I remembered that and said it while walking around campus. Here it is:

Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray - Rumi.

on the first day of advent. . .

2010-12-01T23:07:00.003-06:00

An idea came to me a few weeks ago. I didn't dismiss it as frivolous or foolish or something no one else would be interested it. I made space for it to blossom, and then took action. And, amazing enough (or maybe not really), someone else had a similar idea that's all over the blogs I read. I'll share both. Here's my story first.

The time between Thanksgiving and New Year's has become a bit challenging for me in recent years. Honestly, it's become sort of a lonely time. Growing up I loved this time of year - all the fun, school celebrations, days off, decorating, dressing up, Santa, unknown presents - but as my parents have become older, my nephew now a teenager and most of my friends busy with their spouses/kids, I've felt left out of "what the group is doing to celebrate the holidays."

I've decided I need to step up to the plate and start some of my own traditions. Two years ago I started playing along with Ali Edwards and other scrapbookers and made a holiday daily album. I've started my album this year and it continues to be a delightful experience. There are a few others, but this one is a highlight.

As I mentioned, a few weeks ago I was fondly remembering the excitement of opening a window on the same Advent calendar my mom would hang up each year. I'm sure by the end of her posting it I had each day memorized, but I still loved the experience. And I realized I missed this past ritual in my adult life. So, I asked my two good friends, Tammy and Laura, if they would be willing to each come up with 25 intentions/small activities to trade - so we each end up with 25 that aren't our own. They happily agreed to play along. We each had our 25 prompts as of yesterday, and today the magic of sharing begins.

I took the sharing one step further and asked a flickr group I belong to if they would mind me posting the daily intentions/activities I select on our discussion board. I received all enthusiastic yeses!

I selected one of Laura's prompts about asking for something you want. I'm working on setting this one into action yet this evening. More to come on this. . .

And here's the other project happening right now: reverb10. I highly recommend taking 2 minutes to sign up to receive emails for this month-long daily prompting extravaganza. Amazing energy is out there, friends. It's time to tune into it.

Here's the December 1 reverb10 prompt:
One Word.

Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you? (Author: Gwen Bell)

I selected a word for 2010 that I've given much consideration to this year. It has fit. It has made sense. It's been guiding me. But the word that comes to mind for this prompt is different: it's connect. I feel like this web of connected dotted and full lines has emerged in my life this year, from behind a cloud of doubt and fear and not tuning into what is real. It takes my breath away at times. It's my top gratitude for this past year. I'm not certain about my word for 2011 - there are a few I've been considering (as this is now part of the New Year's ritual tradition I have with Laura and Tammy). It will become more clear as to what it will be this month - it always does.

getting ready & celebrating

2010-11-17T00:00:00.001-06:00

Preparing to take part in Ali's December Daily album making over the holiday season. This is the third year I've played along with this fantastic idea. I love feeling a part of a big, big community while completing this during the holiday season each year. I'll share more about my thoughts about the time between Thanksgiving and New Year's as the season progresses. Right now, I'm getting ready. A few more photos of my book in progress are here. More will be added along the way.

Today at work I was thinking about this project while eating lunch and decided to write out 10 intentions about it to keep on my craft table at home. My hope is these will guide me and keep my focused as I complete 30 days of documenting from November 25-December 25. I make a holiday daily instead of a December daily. For a few reasons. One, my birthday is November 25. Two, as a result I love the number 25. Three, Thanksgiving usually falls in this span of time and Thanksgiving is my most favorite holiday of the year, hands down.

On to other crafting projects. Elise posted a tutorial on a A Beautiful Mess a few weeks ago for making fabric wreaths. I loved her example so much that I dug through my fabric box (I don't sew fabric - I don't know why I even have a fabric box, other than I love patterns and I always think I'll sew fabric someday, so I collect fabric from time to time). I used only what I had on hand to make this wreath. Here's a photo in better light. This is the first time I've hung something in this cut-out spot between my kitchen and living room. I sorta like it. I think another winter wreath is in order - this one is for autumn.

And here is my current favorite minibook (favorite changes each time I make a new one). I mostly completed this while traveling in Savannah - just added a few finishing touches when I returned home. I had prepped about 95% of the base before leaving, packed a few tools with me, and basically added in journaling and some found paper each night while cooling off in my super fabulous hotel. Ali and Elise have shared great ideas over the years for books like these. I used some of their wisdom when I put this one together - like use a mostly neutral color scheme for your base pages, and rely on repitition of designs and patterns to create a cohesive look. Given their graphic design acumen, it's not surprising this is great advice. I love how this one turned out. All the pages here in a flickr set.

One more thing: how awesome is Jennifer Grey on Dancing With The Stars? I'll admit that I'm only watching DWTS because Jennifer is Baby Houseman in my most favorite movie of all time, but man, she can still move. I love seeing a woman who is over 50 bust back out into the scene even brighter and more confident than when she was 27 (not to mention that she'd been pretty much shunned by Hollywood after altering her signature nose). Way to go Jennifer!

montreal and quebec city, part 2

2010-11-06T16:39:00.000-05:00

I've unpacked my bags of sandals and short-sleeve shirts from my recent trip to Savannah, GA. I enjoyed six days of southern hospitality, food and accents. I wanted to go to Savannah for about nine years or so, and the experience lived up to my dreams. I've traveled quite a few places in the past decade and Savannah has always been "next" on the list as I planned a trip someplace else. Opportunities and new curiosities led me elsewhere. Now it was Savannah's turn.

I booked this trip in March and since then I had been thinking quite a bit about this trip I started to write about earlier this year. I wouldn't be honest if I said I wasn't apprehensive about traveling alone to Montreal and Quebec City for ten days. I was a bit scared. What I learned about myself and the art of traveling during that adventure prepared me to be so much more present and appreciative of all the new-to-me experiences of living life in a different place - even if just for a few days. Looking back that trip was gift.

Over the summer I found the journal I kept while on this trip. Those words I wrote are precious to me. Great moments captured that I long forgot. And time spent reflecting on my life and feelings as I was traveling solo. As I read those pages I laughed. Cried a few tears. And remembered a true adventure.

As I'm still enjoying my Savannah memories, here are some bits of the rest of the Montreal/Quebec City story. If you haven't read the post embedded in the link above - or you've forgotten what I said (after all, I did start the story in JANUARY), you might want to read that first.

********************************************************************************

The morning sun poured through the long, rectangular window across from my cot-like bed. The chair was still propped securely under the door knob. Morning brought great optimism to my mind. And through the brightness in the room I saw a small cube refrigerator under one of the desks. Hmm, that's a nice extra.

The bathroom wasn't scary. The hallways weren't scary. There weren't many people around, it seemed. I picked up morning breakfast at a cafe down at the end of my block that became my dining home base. I even ordered in Franglaise, which prompted the cashier to ask where I was from. "The US - Minnesota," I chirped. She immediately started speaking rapidly in English - ending with a "No need to try French here in Quebec Provence- we all know English." I tried my French a few more places, and was met with the same enthusiasm to put me at ease with encouragement to just speak English. I think one merchant tipped my off that this was due to Canada being so happy when Americans vacation in their country of late - our exchange rate "sale" was of great delight to Canadians. I'd likely spend more, and merchants wanted me to feel comfortable to do so. Money = the global common language. Sigh.

With breakfast consumed, I started my walk. My res hall hotel wasn't too near a metro stop, so I mostly walked everywhere on this trip. Quebec City is much smaller, so public transportation wasn't really an option either. I believe my first full day in Montreal was a Sunday. Not knowing that I needed to manage my expectations of what Sunday meant in Montreal, it was a downer day for me. Not too much hustle and bustle out on the streets. I ventured into a small artist market by the river front, but really, that's about all that was open. I wandered the Old Montreal for hours, looking in windows and basically feeling like this was a wasted day. I sat on a bench in the sun by the river for a few hours, reading. Bench-sharers would come and go. The last was a woman who a spoke a bit of French with, then English. It was pleasant, until she started encouraging me to come visit her church and kept handing me slips of paper with Bible verses on them. I politely shared that I belonged to a church at me home, and that I really wasn't interested in attending services elsewhere during my trip. She wouldn't stop. I finally had to get up and leave.

It was late afternoon by now and I wandered into a pub about a block away. I ordered a sandwich and while waiting for it, started reading a local arts and culture paper. As I scanned what was happening over the next week, I noticed a pain in my stomach. At first it was just a twinge - probably hunger I thought. I ate my food and the feeling turned into pain. And my mind started racing: I'm sick in a foreign city. What if it's my appendix? What will I do? Will my health insurance work here? What if I need surgery? I'm here all alone. How will I take care of myself, all alone here? WHY did I come here alone? Then I started to cry. I sat crying, eating my meal for about 20 minutes. It seemed like forever - like so much time had passed - and actually I wished a lot of time had passed because I still had about five hours of the day left, and then nine more days to go.

I wish I could remember what snapped in my thoughts, but by the time I had walked back to the residence hall, I was feeling more optimistic. I walked around the hall a bit and found the TV lounge. I remember watching 60 Minutes with some other people. I also found the computer lab and hopped on the internet for a while - reading news, the weather forecast for the next day. My stomach still hurt, but the pain wasn't getting worse. I decided to give it until morning and if I needed, I'd find a doctor.

I ventured up to my room and turned on all the lights. I pulled out a book I brought to read - and it turned out to be just what I needed for the trip. It was a travel advice book written by Erma Bombeck. And it was so light and funny. I still remember bits of it - specifically what she said about traveling with organized group tours. After having been on a tour vacation now, there was a lot of truth in what she said. And I remember at the time I though - I'm so not interested in traveling with an organized tour - how restrictive! HA - how my interests changed in seven years!

Right before bed I made a chart for the remaining days and poured over my travel book. I listed what I wanted to see, and grouped close activities together. Then I put them on my chart. The next five or so days were pretty much planned out. I rarely went with the flow with anything I did at that point in my life, and making this chart gave me so much confidence and hope for this trip. I went to bed feeling optimistic. And I left the desk chair at the desk tonight.

been a while

2010-10-17T20:03:00.001-05:00

Whew! It's been a busy, busy autumn for me. Lots of great fun and adventures. Started right after Labor Day with a trip to Iowa to watch my nephew, Andrew, play football. He's a senior this year - #68 above. The Westerners won! We had a fabulous weekend of family time. I drove my parents, and we enjoyed a weekend full of sun, warm weather and good food.

Trip to a local apple orchard the following weekend. Sorta a crazy place. Super busy. Think I'll find a smaller orchard next year. Drove a bit further east to Stillwater and walked around the historic downtown with many others who couldn't resist the 80 degree September day. New paper store = I was in heaven!

I went to Portland for a long weekend with my friend Megan at the end of September. We attended the Don Miller Storyline conference in the Pearl District. I'm grateful Megan asked if I was interested in going. . . I read Don's Million Miles in a Thousand Years this past spring, and Don's ideas and stories have left a wonderful impression on me. He's incredibly insighful and thoughtful, and opportunity to hear from him in person was a blessing. Megan and I had a great time together (even with cruddy colds) and Portland didn't disappoint. Just look. . .

Sidewalks are lined with gorgeous trees. Everyone is out walking and smiling and enjoying outdoor spaces. The Pearl District was designed as a space to live, work and relax. Portlanders are friendly and laid-back. We were able to travel to and from our hotel to the airport on the light-rail for $5 round-trip. It's obvious Minneapolis and St. Paul's light-rail systems were designed after the system in Portland. And someday ours will go more places, too. Can't wait!

Portland Saturday (and Sunday) Market by the riverfront. Lots of art, clothing and food vendors.

This graffiti art caught my eye. I said that to Megan as I stopped to snap this photo, and a woman walking behind us stopped to ask my name and where I lived. I told her I'm a visitor, and she was pleased to hear I enjoyed seeing this on a building. She seemed to be a neighborhood organizer and I wasn't sure what she planned on doing with my comment, but she was amused I was taking a picture and calling this art.

Last weekend was Homecoming at my college alma mater, University of Minnesota, Morris. Had a blast attending festivities with these friends. The woman next to me in glasses, Amy, were in the same first college class, Writing I at 8am M-F fall quarter our first year. She met her husband, Shawn, at UMM and Shawn, Jen (standing behind me) and I were RAs together my junior year. Jen was our boss in the on-campus apartments. Oh boy, did we talk about the old days. All our crazy escapades. We were disappointed that Morris' best greasy spoon, Don's, no longer served fresh cut french fries and handmade beef patties for burgers. Really disappointed. And the coffee shop isn't open on Sunday mornings. Strange. But all in all, it was a great trip down memory lane for us. And the Cougars only lost by one touch-down. Improvement!

Campus is GORGEOUS, including this new Welcome Center, home to Admissions and my colleagues in UMM Development and Alumni Relations.

This has been the most beautiful autumn in Minnesota I can remember in terms of weather. Tons of blue sky sunny days and warmer than usual days. I was on my way back to the office from having lunch with Tammy on Thursday last week. Crossing the Washington Ave Bridge, I noticed this mirror. Gotta be alert all the time for photo ops!

Mom and I went to a prized local garden center on Saturday for pumpkins and mums and general fall atmosphere. A gentleman from New London, MN (western part of the state) talked to us for a while, saying he and his wife make it a point to visit this garden center a few times a year because it's so great. He was in disbelief when he moved back to MN from CA, thinking there wouldn't be places like this here. We left with pumpkins and mums, apples and apple donuts. Yum!

Next was breakfast at Black Sheep Coffee. What a treat! Quiche, muffins and the best coffee around. And a bluegrass band playing in the background. Perfection!

And so this is what I've been up to. Pretty much gone from home every-other weekend this fall. Next weekend I leave for six days in Savannah, GA. I've dreamed of going to Savannah for over five years. Can't wait for some Southern charm, history and food!

lining up & scatteredness

2010-09-21T22:43:00.002-05:00

I sorta love how life is lining up right now. Yes, there are scattered parts accented with big question marks, parts that seem not to fit together. I'm choosing to pay attention to the parts that are lining up. Those lining up parts that take my breath away if I think about them for more than a minute. The parts that came from hard work and the parts that came from work I didn't know I was doing. I'm grateful for lining up. I'm grateful for the line I don't see yet.

documented: august adventure

2010-09-08T21:22:00.002-05:00

I finished up another of my minibooks documenting three of my summer adventures. This one is from my annual time at Clare's Well in August. The colors are quite subdued and felt relaxing to me, which is what my time at this amazing place is all about. The pages are also rather sparse - another part of Clare's Well living. It's a simple existence for a week. Just what one needs to feel comfortable, without the distractions that more sometimes creates. Complete book may be viewed here.

I put together many of the pages before leaving. What I did on the trip: Took the Instax photos and backed them with paper. Machine stitched the flowers to the paper and added the circle accent centers. I handwrote and typed my journaling strips add added them to the pages. Each sentence begins with "I. . . followed by action verbs of things I did during the week - like touch, eat, see, hear, etc. I ordered the pages I made there with those I pre-made and the album was complete. Supplies noted at the end of this post.

Simple, repeated design for a simple, yet intricately gorgeous vacation.

Here's what I've noticed: I love this album more and more as the days pass. I was sort of fretting about it on my last day of this trip (as much as one can fret about anything while being at Clare's Well). The issue was it didn't turn out how I thought it would (there's that expectation thing again). But I packed it away in my bag and set it on my desk when I returned home. I opened it up last weekend for the first time and remembered that I wanted to sew two little heart buttons to fabric pocket pages. Sewing those hearts was just what I needed to see how beautiful and in-the-moment the long creation of this album turned out to be. I could remember the evening in June when I sewed the cover, windows wide open and listening to a concert next door at the nature center. And the mornings I got up extra early to glue down the TOAST images, literally feeling how much they remind me of Clare's Well. Some of the text I wrote was already forgotten - and reading it again centered me into noticing and giving thanks for my everyday movements through life.

Now I am willing to let it be what it is: memories and expressions of my love of creating and of a magical place.

supplies:
The photo only pages are from the summer TOAST catalogs. The images reminded me of Clare's Well, so they were natural additions. The Instax photos were taken this year. The paper backing them is from Sassafras. The beginning and ending rounded-corner photos were from years past. Buttons are a mix of vintage + new. Transparency pages are from Hambly. The scalloped pages are Paper Source flat A4 die-cut cards, which I don't think they are making anymore. Fabric flowers from K&Co are machine stitched to the cards. Flower accents include Jenni Bowlin chipboard buttons and American Crafts Flair badges. Vintage bird card. Martha Stewart fabric butterflies. 7 gypsies mini labels. Album is Maya Road. I painted the inside chipboard covers and machine stitched Amy Butler fabric to the fabric cover wrap. Stapled Heidi Swapp clear butterflies to the front fabric cover.

first day of school

2010-09-07T22:22:00.001-05:00

Even when I wasn't working on a college campus I'd get excited about the first day of school coming around again. I still try to wear a new outfit on the first day. Here's top half of what I pulled together this morning. With a skirt on the bottom. I'm starting my less pants. more skirts + dresses goal for fall right away.

Wait, did I say goal? Ha! Yes I did. This is one goal that I want and makes me happy. I think those kinds of goals are just right.

100% content

2010-09-03T23:24:00.002-05:00

This post is philosophical and heavy on personal reflection. Some days, it just comes to me. I gotta go with it.

Here's something I thought about a lot and talked with my friend Tammy quite a bit - the idea of finding balance between constant goal setting and goal pursuing and trusting in the ebb and flow of my life. This has been a tough one for me. Somehow in the process of becoming an adult I developed an odd relationship with goals. What are good goals for me to have? How do I work toward them? What do I do if I'm not achieving them? And what about "just going with the flow?" Isn't that kinda the opposite of all this goal business? And don't we hear that going with the flow is healthier and will allow us more happiness? Shouldn't I just be going with the flow? How do I do that? That seems even more complicated than goals, and I clearly don't have a grasp on those! Why can't I figure this out? Why is finding where I need to be on this spectrum so hard for me?

The connector in me seeks to figure out why and how I don't get all of this. I have a few ideas. One, I'm fairly confident that "striving" strengths are not in my top tier of strengths (I'm using the Marcus Buckingham StrengthsFinder system to define striving). My top five strengths are spread around the other three strength quadrants, but none are in this area. I just don't think I'm much of a striver, and in my mind, meeting goals seems striver-like. Like I said earlier, I really relied on my love of learning in a formal environment to determine goals for me. But when I completed my MA in 2002 at 27, I was really at a loss. No more constant goals set up for me by subject matter experts. I had even met my Weight Watchers "goal" weight at that point. I didn't even have a goal with them anymore. Now I had "maintenance." And when I wasn't falling into line with other goals much of society says I should be attaining at that point in my life - getting married, advancing steadily in my career, having kids - I started retreating more and more into anti-goal living. Letting life just move me along. Society's goals didn't seem to mesh with my day-to-day reality, so I gave up on goals, period. I was like a leaf in a stream of water, powerless really, to whatever the water did to me or to whatever I bumped up against.

Then 2008 rolled around and I experienced what I call a crisis of conflicted thoughts. It lasted for a few months. It was a dark, dark time for me. I had developed pretty good attending skills from past work with a therapist so I decided just to allow myself to feel bad about all the negative thoughts I had about myself. I felt my way through it to the end. And then one day it ended. It was like God said, "Jill, you've thought enough bad things about yourself for a long time now, why don't you try feeling some goodness about your life for a while?" I didn't hear a God voice or anything, but my life started to change. Literally, one day over Memorial Day weekend in 2008 I was thinking horribly negative things about myself and the next day I thought, this is ridiculous, I'm not doing this anymore. That was the day I started learning how to really trust my feelings. And ever since I've been learning how to trust my life. During this time I haven't given much thought to goals. But I have given much attention to feeling content in my life.

So here I am, September 2010. September is always synonymous with the start of school for me. The start of all the goal setting and goal achieving, but most importantly, learning. Learning something even if you don't meet "the goal." I think I've figured out my relationship with goals. I like them for this: "it's my goal to finish these five things before lunch today." That's sorta the amount of power I give goals right now in my life. But I really love trusting my feelings about how my life is unfolding. And I know these realities are always with me: Faith in my abilities and gifts. I'm not alone. I'm loved by myself and others. I have hope.

If you made it this far with me, thank you. You've probably figured out this has been one of those "hot button issues" for me for a long time. I'd love to hear your ideas about goals and trusting life as it unfolds.

less.more.

2010-09-01T22:13:00.002-05:00

less.more. intentions for September

inspired by Caiti's post

less coffee. more tea.

less thinking. more acting.

less filling up. more clearing out.

less inside. more outside.

less worrying. more praying.

less assuming. more asking for what I need.

less staying up. more sleeping.

less pants. more skirts and dresses.

less it's always been that way. more it can be a new way.

less frown. more smile.

Feel free to pass this on. Is there anything you need less of and more of this month? Leave your ideas in a comment and I'll be happy to keep you mind :)

day thirty one

2010-08-31T20:30:00.000-05:00

Another month of daily blogging! It's smooth sailing once I get into it. It's just getting into a rhythm that can be daunting for me. This month of focusing on posting daily images sparked a few writing ideas. So, watch for those in September.

These photos are all from my six days at Clare's Well earlier this month. Hands down, the highlight of the month for me.

day thirty

2010-08-30T20:13:00.001-05:00

Felt a bit under the weather this evening. Luckily it wasn't the stomach flu as I thought it could be. I think I just needed to sleep for 9 hours. Practiced a little self-care, rather than keeping current on the blog posting. So worth it.

day twenty nine

2010-08-29T22:06:00.000-05:00

picnic lunch at the beach (completed another 34 to do's)

bright summer sky

watching this little goldfinch at water's edge

day twenty eight

2010-08-29T09:46:00.001-05:00

The day included a trip to the farmer's market for zucchini and the great flowers (love ornamental cabbage in arrangements!). I made this chocolate zucchini cake Molly posted this week. Went to the Y, quick trip to target, some scrapbooking time and watched Evening. I love that movie - especially in the summer - and it always makes me cry. Savoring the last few days of summer.

day twenty seven

2010-08-27T20:53:00.004-05:00

A previously posted picture, but I don't have many of me interacting with my home. . . and since this week marks my five year anniversary as a homeowner, it's only fitting to include this self-timer shot from April.

My house isn't perfect - just as nothing in life is perfect - but I love it and it's perfect for me right now. Sometimes I gaze longingly at houses that are at street level, that have a yard, that have an upstairs and a downstairs and I wonder when I'll live in a single family house and not a condominium. Answer is: I don't know exactly when that will happen. Truth be told, I thought five years ago that right about now I'd be making a transition to something different. That's when the housing market was still strong and gaining home equity was pretty much a sure bet. Not anymore. Technically now I'm paying considerably more each month compared to what the financial world says my home is worth, as are many people.

There's been a lot of news about the five year anniversary of Hurricane Katrina this week. Katrina was hitting just as I was unpacking boxes and finding new homes for my plates and spoons. I remember feeling incredibly sad and incredibly grateful as I watched reports of the devastation along the Gulf Coast. I had a place that I was responsible for. That I could love and feel comfortable in. While others were watching (even dying in) their homes as the waters took over.

Some days I give my place a little pep talk and tell it I know you're valuable and I still love you. My goal is to make some day everyday. Thanks, home, for keeping me warm in the winter, cool in the summer and giving me space to laugh and cry and sing and learn and fall asleep each night.

day twenty six

2010-08-26T20:17:00.000-05:00

Looking up under Johnston Hall

day twenty five

2010-08-25T23:13:00.000-05:00

Celebrate U today at the U of M - employee recognition day. Inspired by these balloon arrangements.

day twenty four

2010-08-24T23:14:00.001-05:00

This picture is from a year ago, but that's OK. Tonight I went out to dinner with Kelsey, one of my babysitting kids, who will start her sophmore year of college next week - yippee Kelsey! We enjoyed a lovely Indian dinner, followed by ice cream and a walk on Grand Ave in St. Paul. We gabbed and laughed about college and our summers. It's been such a joy to be a part of her life all of these years. She's off to be and do great things :) Love you, Kelsey!

day twenty three (and a return of more words)

2010-08-23T21:34:00.004-05:00

It's almost time for the students to return en masse. Sorta (actually, a lot) excited about that. Campus is great fun with the hum and hustle of learning and becoming.

So here's a blast from my past. . . on two fronts. First, check me out, second from the right in the first row. I look like a Beatle. Yikes, not attractive hair. And this was probably the only summer in my life when I was actually taller than a few boys. Second, how about this scrapbook layout? Whoa. Lots of dark colors and embossing powder. Not my style anymore. Yet the words on this page are fantastic. I did a great job in this entire album telling the story of my family's time each summer at a resort near Blackduck, MN called Cedar Rapids Lodge (highly recommend it for a family vacation, by the way).

I pulled this out and scanned it tonight because I read today on the CRL blog that Don, the older man in the back row, passed away last week. Don and Vivian were the owners of the resort when we started going there in 1981. They sold it in 1986 to the Addler's, who still own it. We continued to spend a week there each summer until 1995. Some of my most treasured childhood memories are rooted at this place.

And this evening pictured above is one of them. It was the summer of 1986 and the group of us kids had been friends for many summers. This was/is the type of resort where families come back the same week, year after year. We were just about teenagers. Earlier in the week we were hanging out in the lodge, playing pinball and Don caught our attention with, "hey, you kids want to go on a snipe hunt this week?" So we talked about this with him a bit. Lots of questions, like "what are snipe." He told us they were little birds that run around on the ground, in the woods behind the cabins. And the trick to catching them is rapping on the ground with special snipe sticks he would find for us which would lure them into our garbage bags. I think we believed that story in full until we looked up snipe in the lodge's bird book and discovered that in fact, snipe live near water and prefer to run around in the sand. We told our parents what Don was planning for us and were met with twinkling eyes that made us even more curious about what was really going to happen.

Snipe hunt night rolled around. Don had all the sticks and garbage bags ready. When it was dark he brought us back to woods and stationed the oldest of us the deepest in the woods, then staggered us out from there. I was with Ginger and Don put us in a clearing. We sat on the ground and tapped our sticks. But then we started hearing lions roaring and monkeys chirping and there was this red light that kept flashing around the trees beyond us. Then it would get quiet. Then it all would come back. But now there were these howling noises, that didn't sound real. Jeremy and Jeff came running out yelling, "Don's tricked us - he has a tape player with him and he's walking around back here." We all ran out to find some dads climbing down from their howling posts on cabin rooftops and all the adults at the resort laughing and asking where the snipe were. The younger kids in the group were pretty scared.

We surrounded Don at the bonfire after and joked that we knew all week he was up to something. He said he didn't know what were talking about - that he was helping chase the snipe out to us. We just needed to tap for them and they would have come running. Yep, we weren't buying it, but roasted marshmallows with him anyway.

We knew earlier in the week that this would be Don and Viv's last year as owners. One of the families were like the Von Trapp's and they planned a farewell party on Friday night in the lodge for everyone at the resort that week. The dad, Cliff, and mom, Cheryl, rewrote lyrics and us kids became Don and Snipes. We sang "Northern Fish" to "California Girls" and "Hey, Hey We're the Leeches" to "Hey, Hey We're the Monkeys." We had practice times during the week. And there were props too. We wore black garbage bags to be leeches. We played fishing pole guitars and tackle box drums. It was our one and only gig. Cliff and Cheryl also rewrote "Oh Danny Boy" to "Oh Donny Boy" and performed it together. Here we are:

Somewhere in my bedroom at my parent's house I have the one and only audio cassette tape recording of us performing that Friday night.

Ah, good memories. Really, really good memories. Don, I hope heaven is full of snipe, lots of sunnies and walleyes and chocolate shakes. Thank you for being a special person in my life.

ps - Tammy, if you're reading this - Ginger and Jeff are Ginger and Jeff Stark, who you went to school with.

day twenty two

2010-08-22T23:30:00.000-05:00

This was the scene on one of my kitchen counters at 7p CDT tonight. I joined some of my Unravelling friends for a "take a photo when it's 7p where you are" challenge. Thanks Stacy for suggesting we do this!

day twenty one

2010-08-21T23:25:00.003-05:00

The summer harvest has come to Minnesota. Everything is ripe and abundant. I love how this vendor at the Farmer's Market is thoughtfully shining up his tomatoes before putting them out for sale. I watched him for a few minutes as I admired these flowers.

I don't spend much time these days with children, but this afternoon I joined Tammy and Laura to create some personal vision boards using magazine images + words. Laura has a little boy named Carlo. He's precious. We read a book together after dinner and he was making amazing connections. There's a small yellow circle in the book that I pointed at a few times, then he started pointing at it, then at a round button on his shirt. At first I thought it was a coincidence, but he did it three more times! He's just over a year old - amazing! Maybe this is common for little ones, I'm not sure. He also signed "more" after I'd finish reading so I read it again. I was in awe of him and the family that surrounds him. What a treasure.

day twenty

2010-08-20T15:21:00.001-05:00

dreams come true

day nineteen

2010-08-19T18:38:00.001-05:00

reach

day eighteen

2010-08-18T11:02:00.001-05:00

two

day seventeen

2010-08-17T17:34:00.001-05:00

sit and gaze

day sixteen

2010-08-16T21:07:00.001-05:00

breakfast

day fifteen

2010-08-15T19:30:00.007-05:00

old friends.

day fourteen

2010-08-14T12:32:00.000-05:00

fill with only what is truly important.

i'm off to clare's well tomorrow for five nights of nature, books, fabulous food, fascinating people and time just to take it all in. i've scheduled a picture post to launch each day i'm away, so you can see some of what i'm enjoying.

be well.

day thirteen

2010-08-13T22:21:00.001-05:00

more preparations for next week

day twelve

2010-08-12T21:26:00.000-05:00

Change is in the air.

day eleven

2010-08-11T19:40:00.000-05:00

Gathering supplies for a project I have planned for next week.

day ten

2010-08-11T19:37:00.000-05:00

Primary election day in Minnesota. I was #288 to vote in my precinct at 6:20 pm.

Not the best turnout.

day nine

2010-08-09T21:51:00.000-05:00

It's the "I forgot to take a photo today photo." I'm calling it just GO.

day eight

2010-08-08T23:17:00.000-05:00

I took a nap this afternoon. It's been a long time since I intentionally said to myself, "I'm going to take a nap now." I really needed it. Blessings for the ability to slow down and rest.

day seven

2010-08-07T23:48:00.000-05:00

Writing today at the Black Sheep Coffee Cafe. It felt good. And it brought me back to a time when my thoughts were so different than they are today. Just a bit of disbelief pinged inside my mind as I wrote. "Was this really me?," I thought. I could quickly answer yes because the feelings still bubble to the surface quickly. They are sad. They are happy. They are confident. They are scared. They are proud. They wonder, "where will I go?" And they say, "this is me."

day six and 7 link blog challenge

2010-08-06T23:56:00.002-05:00

Another from my archive - felt like an instax photo scan day today. Lighting wasn't optimal (as the flash fired), but I love the shadows on this photo.

Susannah featured this 7 link challenge on her blog a while back. I was reminded of it when I received her snazzy new e-newsletter in my inbox this week. Here are my links:

•My first post
•A post I enjoyed writing
•A post which had a great discussion
•A post on someone else’s blog that you wish I’d written - from Kelly Rae Roberts
•My most helpful post
•A post with a title I am proud of
•A post that I wish more people had read

day five

2010-08-05T23:38:00.001-05:00

Punch pizza + summer shandy = it's what's for dinner

day four

2010-08-04T23:48:00.001-05:00

day three

2010-08-03T22:58:00.001-05:00

Photo from last summer. Delighted when I found it on my computer this evening. Deserves some viewing.

day two

2010-08-02T23:16:00.001-05:00

day one

2010-08-01T23:05:00.002-05:00

I'm taking a bit of a word break on my blog for the month of August, taking a nod from Susannah Conway's idea for the August Break (click on the August Break photo on my right sidebar for more info). I'm hoping this will bring back some routine and inspiration for me to post more regularly. I posted every day for a month in December 2009, and surprisingly, I enjoyed it and didn't find it irritating or overwhelming. Sometimes I really overthink what to fill this space with and it ends up limiting me, big time. Here's a photo from day one. Word light the rest of the month.

the beauty of last weekend

2010-07-31T16:39:00.002-05:00

a straw hat

a sandy beach

umbrellas dotting a blue sky

finishing up a book

spontaneously planning this late afternoon adventure after an already full and exciting morning of taking my dad to a doctor appointment and moving him back home after his stay at a physical therapy rehab center after his knee replacement earlier this month. blessed to help and blessed to enjoy the sun after.

driving south on WI 35 for a day road trip

and finding some old stuff for $5.50 total

picking a pound of blueberries and enjoying seeing how a family lives on their farm

seeing this table and chairs

and this flower box

wearing a sundress and sandals

walking through this gorgeously sparse gallery in alma, wi

capturing shadows

completing another task on my 34 to dos with dinner at the harbor view cafe. seeing again the waitress who served me last year, and another patron who said to me last year, "i love seeing a woman taking care of herself." confidently enjoying this fantastic meal at a table for one, while becoming engrossed in a new book. remembering that i haven't eaten gazpacho since this trip. (i haven't forgetten that i need to finish this

story. . . )

walking on a rocky pier in lake pepin

the care towns put into their aesthetic and people chatting and laughing together along sidewalks

harbor view leftovers and fresh sweet corn on my deck the next evening

this is beauty of (summer) life.

documented: june adventure

2010-07-23T23:19:00.000-05:00

I wrapped up my destinations :: northfield minibook last weekend. More images of the final pages here. Just in time to embark on my July adventure tomorrow. . .and the start of another wonderful little book.

I completed two of my 34 to do's in Northfield - stay at a B&B and find something fabulous at a consignment store. Done and done. Love it.

off to breathe fresh air and be away from my laptop

2010-07-18T15:10:00.001-05:00

I've spent most of the day with technology, hooking up my new scanner and downloading a lot of drivers for it to actually perform. I'm thankful I can figure all of this out, but it was sorta exhausting. Need to change it up for the rest of the day.

A (dusty?) fruit of my labor.

Happy Sunday!

celebrating independence. . . or something like that

2010-07-04T22:44:00.001-05:00

It's interesting to me that at 234, we're still celebrating our "independence" as a country, when we're ever more interdependent on the nations of this world. 4th of July has always been sort of a "non-holiday" for me. The middle of summer is here. As a kid we were usually back from a fantastic vacation in northern Minnesota, and the post-vacation blues sorta stole the thunder of the 4th. When I started working it was a day off. After college, when I was still close with a group of high school friends, we would go to a local park with beach for the day, grill and watch fireworks on the West Side of St. Paul late in the evening. Those years were probably the most "festive" 4ths of July for me. Even though I've acknowledged feeling this way about fireworks. This year my 4th o' July included these:

homemade blueberry and raspberry triffle

ha! yes, that's me holding a sparkler

and another

this incredible sky

reflected in the window of my childhood home

I recently told a friend that I'm not always proud to be a citizen of the United States, but I'm always grateful to be a citizen of this country. 234 years ago a group of men decided a new world would be built on freedom. . .for a few at that time. . .then a few more years later. . . and then a few more some years later. But really, 234 years later, there are still citizens who aren't free. I guess no ideation is perfect. Yet tonight I was able to drive safely to my parents' home, prepare food I found in abundance and at a price I could afford, cooled my body in an air-conditioned home and watched fireworks on a TV. I could walk outside and see the beauty of nature. And I can openly, without fear of government retaliation, share my views about the imperfections I see in my homeland. These are no small feats. And realities that do make me proud. Happy 4th.

two more accomplished :: the year of 34

2010-07-01T07:48:00.000-05:00

I stayed overnight at a B&B, The Magic Door, in Northfield on Friday to Saturday. Loved it. It was probably the most decadent accommodations I've ever enjoyed, and yet, the luxury of it didn't make it any more enjoyable than other places I've stayed while adventuring (except that one scary hotel I stayed in for one night in DC - another story).

And if The Magic Door and living in Northfield overnight wasn't enough, I also found that gem of a vintage dress. Fits like a glove! I feel so Joan/Betty/Trudy in it. I just might have to wear it on July 25 to celebrate the premiere of Season 4 of Mad Men.

Two more to-do's accomplished. 34 is one fine year, indeed.

A few more photos from my B&B stay.

3 adventures, 3 minibooks

2010-06-29T07:40:00.001-05:00

Many thanks to Ali for featuring my destinations :: northfield minibook in her Stories of Summer series. Check out all the creativity happening this summer, from all over the world. So inspiring. I'm thrilled and humbled to be a part of it. Thanks Ali!

I'm crafting minibooks for two more summer adventures in July and August. I'll post more about each - the actual adventure and its crafty outcome - over the next two months. Stay tuned! I'm having great fun putting the bits and pieces together for these next two books.

Still have some photo sticking-down and typewriter journaling to add into my Northfield mini. It was a fabulous adventure.

oh northfield, how do I love thee? let me count the ways. . .

2010-06-27T17:47:00.002-05:00

sidewalk neighborhoods that enjoy summer in their front yards

a riverwalk dotted with flowers

seeing new-to-me flowering shrubs and looking up at them

a store that says what it is

(and a smaller city outside of a major metropolitan area that is committed to a co-op)

a two-story library on a hill celbrating its 100 birthday

with public restrooms right inside the entryway

a weekly gathering spot creating the art of summer saturdays

seeing a crowd

musicians who love to sing

vendors trying new recipes

delicious homemade citrus tea with mint

a popcorn wagon in the central square

preserving the past

diggs on division

many spiral staircases

a twin cities suburban transplant who moved to northfield because of the artisan community, and wanted to showcase their talent through her talent of creating a whimsical, friendly gallery. . . complete with her handcrafted paper birds in the window

angle parking

another new recipe: white plum almond pastry tart

a real deal, old-fashioned bakery

a consignment/vintage clothing shop that organizes separate racks by size

this sign

an old favorite

and a new one

seen around my home

2010-06-24T00:06:00.001-05:00

It's summer. The light is bright enough in my living room in the morning to capture a picture with subdued hues. I'm grateful for the beauty that surrounds me every day.

for the love of dad and beets

2010-06-19T23:00:00.000-05:00

My dad loves beets. My mom doesn't love cooking and doesn't have a very adventurous taste palette. This parental combination meant I grew up eating canned beets. Beets are particularly lacking when fresh from a can.

A few years ago I discovered fresh beets while dining out with friends. Imagine my surprise at how fresh beets are utterly full of flavor and crispness. I've picked them up the past two weeks at the farmer's market. This week goldens were a part of my bundle.

I slice them up and toss on a cookie sheet for roasting. Sprinkle on a bit of sea salt, a few twists of the pepper grinder and a drizzle of olive oil, and into a 375 degree oven they go for about 25 minutes. Perfect for a salad. Perfect over warm pasta with toasted walnuts and crumbled goat cheese. Fabulous.

Thanks dad for so much, including introducing me to beets.

currents

2010-06-16T21:57:00.001-05:00

Tina at life.love.paper posted her answers to this list today. Thought I'd share mine.

listening: Alexi Murdoch's All My Days, the Brothers Frantzich and Sarah Bareilles' Many the Miles
eating: Smaller portions. Chobani yogurt. As many fresh fruits and vegetables as I can each day.
drinking: Small mocha skim iced lattes vs. medium.
wearing: Blue vintage bead necklace. Gold/white earrings I've worn almost everyday for the past five months.
feeling: Jazzed and a bit scared about my Loft writing class. Confused by Twitter.
weather: Humid sunshine today. Thankful for a day of dryness.
wanting: A massage.
needing: More exercise.
thinking: Time goes by so fast.
enjoying: Dottie Angel's photos and Caiti's wish.
wondering: Where Season 4 of Man Men will pick up?

What are your currents?

friendship

2010-06-13T22:12:00.001-05:00

A few weeks ago my friend Tammy and I went up to Clare's Well to help on spring clean-up day. This was our second year volunteering on this day. It rained. We got muddy. We hauled firewood into summer storage. We scrubbed the sauna. We harvested mint and loaded it into a dehydrator. We dug a short ditch and refitted a drainage pipe on the Sacred Path (for this one, I commented that the Sisters have a lot of confidence in our abilities - neither of us really knew if we were doing this quite right). We put up curtains. We smiled when an older gentleman told us he likes seeing younger people helping out. We enjoyed lunch and watched the rain. We splashed our feet in a clear and crisp Sabbath Pond. And we inspired the Sister's to say this: we enjoy seeing you enjoying your friendship.

what's making me smile right now

2010-06-09T22:23:00.000-05:00

I've had two sorta cruddy days in a row at work this week. People have different agendas for what they believe is important. That's the lesson I need to remember from this experience. I've done my best to influence in a positive way, and I stood up for what I believe, and now the situation is over. Time to move on.

Amidst all the work drama, here's what has brought a smile to my face over the past few days:

1. Brooke and her home featured on A Home for Alice. If you want to read more about the A Home for Alice project, scroll down a bit on the blog page - there's an explanation on the right sidebar. I'm both intrigued and inspired by Alice's creativity and passion for this adventure.

2. Living across the street from this beautiful and calming place. Site of an outdoor concert I could hear in my living room last Saturday, and where I took the photo above on Sunday. This isn't evident, but I was standing behind a painted pig, with a face cut-out for photos. Leftover from the fun the night before.

3. My supervisor's sheer delight about her three week sailing trip in Greece. She left today!

4. Elise's excitement about this sewing project.

5. Telling a student at tutoring tonight over and over again that his answers are correct. He said he doesn't remember ever hearing so many times in a row that he's getting it.

sunday recipe :: rhubarb bran muffins

2010-06-06T20:31:00.002-05:00

I love bran muffins. I bought a package of bran last year to make a not yet found bran muffin recipe, and lo and behold, there was a great recipe on the package. Love that. I added rhubarb to my first batch, so that's the only way I've known these muffins. Made some more today from my rhubarb purchase a the St. Paul Farmer's Market yesterday. Actually, I made this batch in a 9x13 pan because I wanted to go for a walk this evening, rather than scoop batter into muffin cups! Baked up just fine!

3 cups unprocessed wheat bran (I used a mix of wheat and oat today)
1 cup boiling water
1 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup butter
2-1/2 cups white flour
2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
2 eggs, beaten
2 cups buttermilk
Cinnamon sugar

Mix 1 cup bran with 1 cup boiling water; stir and let water absorb into bran. Blend sugar and butter in a separate bowl. Combine flour, baking soda and salt separately. Combine moist bran with eggs, remaining 2 cups of bran, buttermilk, blended sugar-butter mixture and flour mixture. Add about 2 cups of chopped rhubarb. I sprinkled mine with a little sugar. Stir well. [My note: there's a lot of separate mixing/bowls going on here. I do the sugar/butter/eggs/buttermilk in a big bowl and add the bran/flour mixture directly to it].

Refrigerate for future use, or bake at once. To bake, preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Spoon into prepared muffin cups. Sprinkle with cinnamon sugar. Bake for 15 minutes.
***For 9x13 pan, I lowered the temperature to 350 and baked for about 30 minutes.

You need to be a bran lover. . .and they're delicious!

friday firsts

2010-06-04T23:11:00.002-05:00

1. First butterfly siting of the summer. About to enter my parking ramp, leaving work for the day.

2. Had a dessert that used carob chips instead of chocolate chips. . . sort of a carob chip brownie. As Tammy said, "don't expect it to taste like a chocolate brownie." It didn't. It was good in a different way.

3. Entered Minnehaha Park from a new direction.

4. Saw where the Minnesota Veterans' Home is located.

5. Walked out on a second floor porch/balcony in a two-story bungalow. These small porches, basically situated on a home's roof, are common features on Twin Cities' bungalow homes. I've wanted to walk out on one for a very long time.

What were your firsts of the day?

a lovely memorial day weekend

2010-06-01T23:12:00.000-05:00

this weekend seemed to be all about flowers - shopping for them, planting them and wanting to plant more of them after a visit to the st. paul farmer's market. trying out a new variety this year. . .torenia, or clownflower. hope it really does like shade!

the new planter for 2010. decided on some fuscia and a spider plant to compliment the impatiens.

i'm growing more and more attached to my local library. it used to frustrate me that the location nearest to me didn't have what i was looking for. always needed to make a request. now, it's just part of the deal and i just go with the flow. look at this beautiful sculpture that was just installed by the entrance. love it!

megan gave me a head's up about the gelato stand at the farmer's market this year. whoa. super good. this is a mix of salted caramel and strawberry rhubarb. delightful.

more market love. fresh aspargus that i made into pizza using my most favorite trader joe's item - the frozen naan. so simple and so scrumptious.

dinner at my dining table, with a cool breeze and gentle rain falling outside.

more flowers :)

34.5

2010-05-25T20:21:00.005-05:00

Today I'm 34.5. Time just clips by and by. I thought I'd provide an update on where I'm at with my list of 34 to-dos in this year of my life. I'm thinking of each of these as an adventure - like in the movie UP - which I highly recommend. I love that. And I love figuring out how to document them in the little book I put together in November. It's an adventure and project all in one! What could be better, I ask? :)

1: love - definitely. I've been working to feel love in situations that might not immediately draw that emotion out from me. It's good.
2: start an etsy shop
3: finish five books - 2 down, many started. What will end up being the five (or six or seven) will tell a story about my year.
4: cross an ocean
5: bake bread from scratch
6: have a "Clare's Well day" once a month - haven't missed a month yet :)
7: sister's weekend trip with Jodi
8: take a book class at MCBA
9: hike
10: kayak
11: dinner (again) at the Harbor View Cafe in Pepin
12: host a party
13: de-clutter - yes! And the progress continues. . .
14: go fishing with dad - I'm neutral about this one happening as I planned. I have a back-up experience from January.
15: go to a Gopher football game with Andrew
16: go on a picnic
17: stay at a B&B - made a reservation today at The Magic Door in Northfield for the end of June :)
18: smile - like love, this continues. I often tell myself while walking through my daily life to smile, and then I do it.
19: make a favorite childhood recipe with mom - completed on Mother's Day. Ripe olive hotdish it was.
20: sing in the rain - completed last weekend at the Clare's Well work day. Sang quietly with Tammy.
21: buy handmade - many yeses to this one.
22: support literacy - it's been a year since I completed training to become a volunteer tutor, and now nine months of tutoring. This is the most meaningful volunteering I've done so far in my life. I'm considering how my financial support this year of the Minnesota Literacy Council will reflect my feelings about this experience.
23: blog everyday for one month - completed, November 25-December 25.
24: close a big gift
25: date - 1.5 dates. Hoping for more :)
26: fit more comfortably in my clothes - working on this one. . .
27: watch the oringinal Star Wars trilogy
28: ice skate at Ivy Hills Park - completed in February
29: find something lovely at a consignment shop
30: go bowling
31: bake a rhubarb pie from scratch - I might call the rhubarb upside down cake I made for Mother's Day as completing this one. . . maybe :)
32: fill my red wall with art - the art and frames are all here in home. Not on the wall(s) yet. I've got so much there will be some more art walls in my space :)
33: pray - everyday
34: document this list - in progress

Pretty good for six months of living 34, eh? I feel proud and accomplished.

helping

2010-05-20T21:47:00.000-05:00

thanks!

2010-05-11T21:53:00.000-05:00

Ali is profiling some Week in the Life albums over on her blog this week. I love seeing all the interpretations of this project - what people photographed, collected and wrote about their week - I feel somehow connected to all who played along with this idea. Great feeling. And I felt both thrilled and humbled when Ali said she'd like to include some shots of my album among her reader submissions this week. Go take a look at her blog - you'll be inspired to believe that your day-to-day life is amazing. Thanks Ali :)

completed : the story of today 2010 album

2010-05-09T19:07:00.001-05:00

I finished my the story of today 2010 album yesterday. So pleased about this experience for a few reasons. First, wow, it's amazing to capture moments of my day-to-day with my camera - and then combine them with the words that came to me that day. I know I'll be pleased for years to come that I took the time to document my life, just as it is right now. Second, I loved piecing this album together. Selecting the papers, the page protectors and the accents the carry the story through to the end. Third, I finished it. It took time and motivation, but it's done and on the shelf. So grateful right now for the time and resources to enjoy this craft. And so grateful that I believe my life is worth celebrating in this way. More photos of the completed album here.

accomplished

2010-04-27T19:17:00.001-05:00

this little find is bringing a smile to my face when i'm at my craft desk.

so in love with birds right now.

and this freshly reorganized space is bringing me much joy and enthusiasm as well. i felt so accomplished this past weekend, finding spaces for treasures and letting some go into a bag to find a new home. feels good.

week in the life 2010: saturday

2010-04-25T22:34:00.001-05:00

laundry

can't decide. . . think i'll keep both

ready to hang pictures next weekend

[upside down] projects in progress

picking up my new camera

here it is. . . back to instant photos

lunch

sewing buttons

needs ironing

still drying

outfit for katie couric

spring coat

Great Saturday (especially the sleeping in much longer than I had planned). Chores and a few quick errands, then started "project reorganize the craft room." Will have to finish up tomorrow. Attended the UMAA annual celebration tonight with a donor couple. Katie Couric was the keynote speaker. She started out sort of corny, but delivered an inspiring message and was fabulous during the q&a. She says she was born on a sunny day and has always been smiley and optimistic. You could feel her positive energy in the room.

week in the life 2010: friday

2010-04-25T12:09:00.002-05:00

donor lunch (she invited me here). . . don't think a gift is going to happen. sigh.

gulp

recognition

potbelly decor

@ west elm

more west elm

the weekend project

week in the life 2010: thursday

2010-04-25T11:59:00.004-05:00

behind the door

earth day

just a branch

reflected happiness

time

pioneer hall

frame

treat

dinner

Much happier today. Put it all into perspective and made some plans that helped realign my thoughts. Discovered a new workday routine that I love - walking around campus during lunch time. This seems like a given, and I'm not sure why I haven't taken advantage of this more during my 3.5 years at the U. Now is the time.

week in the life 2010: wednesday

2010-04-25T11:54:00.003-05:00

view in morning

my kind of breakfast

packing lunch

a corner of my life

connecting with purpose

thrid floor home

recognition

simple dinner

Today I felt like life was leaving me at the curb and everyone else was passing me by. It just wasn't a happy day for me. It was perfect that tonight was my tutoring night. Getting out of my own thoughts and helping others was a true blessing. And I so know this because my day job is all about thanking people for their gifts of time, treasure and talent, but this is National Volunteer Recognition Week, and it meant so much to receive a thoughtful recognition from the program I work with. Tonight it just touched my heart in a different way because I was really feeling down today. I realized as I climbed into bed that I've come a long way so far in life with dealing with these feelings. There was a time in when they would stall me at the curb for much longer than they needed to. Now I've learned it's OK to feel them and I allow myself to feel them. I take good care of myself during these times, and am careful not to "should" all over myself. A good night's sleep doesn't solve everything, but it helps create perspective and clarity for the next day.

week in the life 2010: tuesday

2010-04-20T21:59:00.002-05:00

I was watching the movie Star Wars recently and wondered what made the movie so good. Of course, there are a thousand reasons. But I also noticed that if I paused the DVD on any frame, I could point toward any major character and say exactly what that person wanted. No character had a vague ambition. It made me wonder if the reasons our lives seem so muddled is because we keep walking into scenes in which we, along with the people around us, have no clear idea what we want.

Donald Miller, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years

So much for focusing on images this week :) I decided to read for a half hour tonight while I wasn't sleepy, and picked up Million Miles. I wasn't so sure about this book when I started it a few weeks ago. It took me a couple chapters to get into the pacing of the author's voice. Now I'm at the place of knowing a book is good for me - when I can't put it down, and simultaneously, want time to slow down so I can savor every word because I don't want the story to end.

These sentences captured my attention tonight for a few reasons. One, watching the original Star Wars trilogy (which I've never done) is on my list of 34 things to do this year. Of course I zeroed in on that mention right away. Now I'm even more eager to watch the movies to observe how each character knows what they want. And the idea of life being unclear because of not understanding what you want out of it is one I've been pondering a lot lately. I've thought about it using different words, but the idea is the same. Hmmm. . .

Today:

week in the life 2010: monday

2010-04-19T22:37:00.002-05:00

I'm documenting a week in my life with words + photos, along with Ali and the many, many others she inspires. The heart of this project is simplicity - what images, routines and words comprise your daily existence? Who are the people you share your life with? In the frame of one week, who are you?

This week is about taking photos of your life and writing down some words about your days. Photos of anything. Stories about anything. Tucking away pieces of paper you touched.

Next week(s) is about putting the pieces together in an album. The skeleton of my album is all set to go. The album and pages, the decorative papers and extras are gathered. I'll have my photos printed next week. I'll write about my day each night before bed on a notecard and set it aside until assembling time.

I'll likely share just a few photos each day this week. . .light on words. . . unless the word sharing mood strikes.

courageous

2010-04-13T21:40:00.003-05:00

This is a photo of a photo that resides on a table near my front door. I look at it everyday. I found it in a box of pictures last year and decided to frame it because it says “home” to me. Actually, first home. This is me sitting on our couch at 311 ½ East Ninth Street in Morris, MN, where I went to college. Spring quarter, 1998. Our refers to me and my roommate and friend, Karla. My first home, beyond my parents’ house and on-campus student housing. That lovely couch came with the place. And I’ve called a ½ my home. Seems appropriate to me that this photo continues to grace my home, wherever that is and will be.

There are layers of stories that live in this picture. This is one of them.

Living off-campus as a senior at UMM is incredibly common. “Vintage” college houses are a dime a dozen, and they all have “that couch” somewhere in them. I, however, never thought I’d live in one, because I thought my college experience was about being a student and working as a resident advisor in on-campus housing. I didn’t make the team the first year I applied, but the second year I did. Junior and senior years I worked where I lived and lived where I worked. Some of my most cherished memories and friendships were created through the on-campus experience. I treasure it.

I felt like a switch was flipped early on senior year. Like a bright red sign was flashing at me over and over, reading “you’re an adult, you’re an adult.” The flashing triggered many feelings that I struggled to allow myself to feel – anxiety, regret, joy, anticipation, confusion, sadness, happiness – and courageousness. My identity as a student that I spent seventeen years creating was quickly coming to an end. After all that time and classes and tests and papers I hadn’t learned how to be an adult. And I was terrified.

Except for the corner of my heart that was beating fiercely with courage. My hardest work in life thus far was in a course I call Pleasing Other People, where I especially excelled at pleasing my parents, and also earned high marks at working to please just about everyone else around me. It was tiresome work to excel in this class. Mostly because the expectations were constantly shifting variables, up to the discretion of whomever I was around.

Over winter break I quietly decided that I would resign from my RA position after winter quarter. I’d move off campus with Karla. The location was yet to be determined. I wanted the experience of “being on my own” before I had to move back home with my parents after I graduated, since I didn’t have a job, wasn’t going to graduate school and wasn’t getting married. All those “adult” next steps that weren’t creating my path. It was this mysterious life off-campus life that I so wanted to be a part of my total college package. Ten weeks of trying on adult for size, even though my parents could still claim me as a dependent on their taxes.

For me, given my 22 year old world view, the stakes were high with this decision. I had to give up my income and find other work. I had to give up my home before knowing where I would live so Residential Life could find a new RA for my floor. I had to actually resign to my director and my staff. I had to tell my friends. I had to tell my parents. I had to say I no longer wanted something that I gave my all to attain two years before. I had to say I was someone other than who others expected me to be. Different than whom I expected myself to be. To me, given my view of the world at the time, those were the highest stakes I’d ever been up against.

With courage beating inside me, I shared my decision. My parents told me I was irresponsible and on my own for money. My sister didn’t understand why I’d leave a campus internet connection (this is way before Wi-Fi). My director sighed heavily and said I was the first RA to ever leave a position on her own accord. My fellow RAs gave a mix of responses. Some were envious. Some didn’t talk to me again. Some quietly asked me if I was OK. Some just looked confused. Some got it and smiled.

Ten weeks later I was sleeping on an air mattress in a room that measured no larger than 5’x8’, but had a window, and amazingly, a closet. I had a job. I used the computers in the library for internet access. My old floor had a new RA. Those who loved me before my change of address still did. I had changed my story, and I loved its new words.

In June 1998, I graduated with a D in Pleasing Other People, and an A for the quarter in Living Courageously. The School of Adult had begun.

right now

2010-04-11T11:42:00.004-05:00

loving right now, originally uploaded by jmk photos.

Sunday inspirations. . . enjoy the splendor of today.

wednesday, wednesday

2010-04-07T23:05:00.000-05:00

Ever remember a food you love, but haven't enjoyed in a while. That's how I feel about cucumber right now. It's revolutionizing my meals as of late.

Today this idea from Don Miller's blog captured my attention: a man being on an adventure and inviting a woman into that adventure. Beautiful idea. And it made me think of how, at times, I've been more attracted to a man's adventure than the man himself, perhaps so much so that I was distracted from the fact that he wasn't inviting me along to share in it with him.

It feels good to remember the forgotten and to name a truth. Blessings for the day.

what i'm reading

2010-04-06T08:00:00.020-05:00

As usual, I'm in the midst of a couple books at the same time. I move between them as the mood strikes. I'm reframing this habit from "I'm a distracted, non-disciplined reader" to "I enjoy keeping my options open." Here's what is keeping me company right before bedtime these days.

Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage by Elizabeth Gilbert
A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller
Sammy's House by Kristin Gore
When Summer Is In The Meadow by Niall Williams & Christine Breen
Style Statement: Live by your own design by Carrie McCarthy & Danielle LaPorte

Happy and intrigued with all. What are you reading?

remembering december

2010-04-05T11:12:00.006-05:00

http://www.designspongeonline.com/2009/01/savannah-guide.html

And you're so right, this photo looks not a thing like December in Minnesota. It doesn't even look like summer in Minnesota. Well friends, that's because it's Savannah, GA, or aka, the city I've been wishing to visit for over five years. Why has Savannah been on my mind for so long? No one reason really. It feels magical to me. Southern charm. A slower pace. Tree canopies with lacy moss swaying with the breeze. A completely walkable destination. A vibrant arts and crafts community. History balanced with the modern day. And perhaps some fried okra for good measure. October 23-29 I'll be spending my days and resting my head in this enchanting place.

Some might remember this idea for my big trip in 2010. I've booked it for 2011.

So why am I remembering December? Because I blogged every day that month. I remember enjoying that experience, reflecting on my days and sharing a slice of it with whomever journeyed to my internet home. Somewhat strange maybe, because I don't think this space gathers too many readers, but nonetheless I felt connected. I'm plugging back into that experience and making another go of daily blogging. I wonder what I'll share each day? I haven't a clue as I peck away at this post. I know I'll circle back to this story and finish it up. And that's about it for my ideas at this moment. I'll tap into my fondness of considering observations and learning new things and figure it out along the way.

Hello to those of you who are following this place. . . a see a few photos of people I do not know. I'm honored you visit. Thank you!

Now for a question. . .what "I'm not quite certain why, but I'm sticking with it" destination is on your list?

simple joys

2010-03-22T22:32:00.003-05:00

My four day weekend has just about concluded. Magically it feels longer than four days. That feeling is a true gift. I was completely surrounded by the richness of my life. This little photo collage is a glimpse of what I'm talking about.

1: Top left. This is a plate I found in a kitchen cabinet at my parent's home. I'm doing something with it that is beyond what I thought I would ever do: hanging it on a wall in my home. My sister was in town this weekend and we had a fabulous sister weekend. She came up so we could go to the Five for Fighting concert at the Fitzgerald. She loves F4F. This is the second time we've seen them perform. It's really one singer/songwriter that makes up the band - John Ondrasnik. I was sort of lukewarm about him two years ago, but he's so warm and inviting live that I like his music more and more. We enjoyed hearning him again. . .and celebrating Jodi's birthday a few days early. The plate is from another bit of the weekend: cleaning out a few kitchen cabinets for mom and dad. We laughed and laughed and laughed some more as we worked away Saturday morning. I'm all about weeding through things and asking mom to make a decision - keep or give to the rummage sale? Jodi, not so much. And mom, not so much. In the end mom said yes to two bags worth of things to let go of. We also organized the hutch + cabinet my dad built last year for the dining space. There are five shelves behind glass doors that needed some beauty. We decided all of mom's cut-glass stemware and serving pieces, fancy china and a few vases and knick-knacks needed some face time in the hutch. Jodi handed and guided from across the kitchen and I arranged. It looks so gorgeous! After 50+ years of these treasures living out of sight, they're now shining up the dining area. It just makes my heart sing seeing all of this beauty combined in my parents house, out in the open for them to enjoy. They deserve it. Jodi and I each took just a few things home with us. She took some steak plates our aunt (her godmother) gave mom and dad many years ago, and I took the plate above. I'm sure I've looked at it before and thought not much of it. On Saturday it took my breath away. The image reminds me of The Burren area in Ireland, and maybe a bit of northern California. Both places I've visited. Mom thinks it came from dad's mom, or his maternal grandmother. I bought a wall plate holder for it and now just need to decide where to hang it. I love it!

2: Top right. Taking some reflection photos this past week. This one is me reflected in a glass pane on a building door at Dodge Nature center. There's something about it that so speaks to me right now. I'm calling it seeing learning.

3: Bottom left. Another reflection picture. Last year I scanned a bunch of old photos from when I was little. I'm making a scrapbook with many of them, and framing some favorites as well. This is one I've framed. It's me, probably around age three or so. I'm "taking a picture" with a toy camera that squirted water from the lens. Probably a holiday, judging from what I'm wearing. The bird image is reflected from a shirt I'm wearing today. I love how memories are seen in layers.

4: Bottom right. The light and colors of this intentionally out-of-focus photo are so early spring to me. I also took this one at Dodge on Sunday, just as the sun was setting. When I look at it, memories of past springs just flood my mind. Place isn't important in this photo, it's all about the colors. The grey blue mixed with golden brown. So spring-is-here-more-and-more-each-day. A few minutes after taking this I heard rustling ahead and one by one, six deer crossed in front of me. Each looking at me with their expressive brown eyes. Living next to Dodge is probably in my top three things I love most about my home.

Moments and stories like these fill me up beyond measure. I am truly blessed.

green with something other than envy

2010-03-16T23:33:00.000-05:00

poem by Esme Evans

Did you know there's poetry on many St. Paul sidewalks? Check them out sometime now that spring is on its way - they are a fabulous nod to public art.

Today I've been thinking about envy. . . from the side of someone else's envy. My first development supervisor, who took a chance and hired me 12 years ago, just accepted a position back where we worked. She sent me a facebook message about this over the weekend, that she's excited and that it's all a bit surreal. I responded with congratulations. And today I received another message from her that ended with her saying she enjoys keeping up with me via facebook and that she's envious of my life.

Really? That was my first thought. My second was beige. Because that's how I've been seeing my life recently. Beige. The word even sounds like how I hear my life right now. Beige. As I'm typing this and trying to think of more descriptors or explanations, I realize I can't. Only beige will do.

Today I came to the realization that envy isn't any better when you're the object of someone else's envy. I've probably felt this in the past, but today I feel the need to write this realization in the public sphere.

I also remembered something one of our coworkers told me, not long after my 22 year old self arrived on the scene some 12 years ago. It was something like this. . . just remember that if you want someone else's life, you will get their entire life. That includes both the green and brown grass in their yard.

sigh. . .

2010-03-09T23:30:00.001-06:00

That's what I told myself to do tonight. Just sigh. I'm feeling both overwhelmed and underwhelmed by my life right now. One might think those two would cancel each other out and I'd feel neutral, but that's not the case with feelings. I could make a list of hows for each word, and perhaps that would be helpful. But for here, and because this came to mind quickly, I'll share this. I feel overwhelmed by all the creative ideas that are finding their way to me. Crafty items I'd like to make, others' creations I'd like to explore on-line and stories to write. I'm feeling underwhelmed by my career right now. I have a few interesting short-term projects I'm working on that have been a bright spot the past few weeks. Aside from that I've received more no's to visit requests and gift proposals than I care to think about, and I completely understand why people are hesitant and feel the need to say no, not now, or not ever. No is still tough to hear, over and over. I'm grateful to work with a supportive group and an understanding supervisor. . . and really, to work at the U altogether. It was a dream and I do love it there.

I can actually feel the warmth of the sun on my feet as I type. Days like today make me question why I'd like to live in Ireland, since this is close to typical weather for much of the year. My visit was deceiving in the weather department.

Looking back a few days, I had a spectacular Saturday. Over the past two years I've greatly reduced the amount of time I spend shopping for non-essential items. Spending lots of time on the weekends in stores, even if not buying anything, was a typical pattern for me. I think in early 2008 I made an intention for the year to reduce this habit. . .and lovely enough, I'm still practicing it. As a result I now spend more time enjoying my home and with friends and family on the weekends. And my consumption of items that bring me less joy has dropped dramatically. All this explanation to say I had a wonderful shopping day last Saturday. I'm convinced it's because I saw it as an adventure, rather than a routine. I found some decent deals and stuck to my list.

The highlight of the day was visiting Hunt & Gather in Minneapolis. Not a new place at all, but new to me. I've rediscovered my affection for vintage items. I was all about going to flea markets and "junking" after I graduated from college. I found some cool stuff - but again - I had just too much of it. Now I am almost ruthlessly selective with my gathering. I stick to items that have use beyond decoration, and one of something is generally enough. I'm also not drawn to the big state fairgrounds flea market setting anymore. Just too much. There are two antique stores in West St. Paul, across the street from each other that I swing through quarterly or so. And now Hunt & Gather. Ironically, what I loved most about Hunt & Gather is that the store is mostly organized with like items grouped near other. Perfect for comparing and making quicker decisions. Brilliant idea to me!

My focus for the rest of the week (maybe longer) is to find balance and peace in the overwhelming and underwhelming of life. I've been there before, and I'll be there again. Now is the time to explore some ways to be with the -whelming.

believing in beauty

2010-02-28T22:18:00.000-06:00